This toothpaste purse is way better than the one I made. That will be $8.39 sir. I think I have some change. Here we go. Never mind all of the goo. That’s just Crest, I promise. It will keep your cash register minty fresh. *Puts toothpaste purse back in my pocket. Sees the gooey white mess all over my pants.* That’s not good. This situation has a police car ride all over it. This is why I never DIY, cuz I DIW(Do It Wrong). No, don’t call the manager. I’ll put the condoms back. See, this isn’t weird at all.
Tag: odd
Nightmare Before Christmas Tea Set
I like to bring my Nightmare Before Christmas Tea Set out before Christmas. Obviously. Having tea with me is a nightmare, cuz I like a lot of sugar. One lump or two? Just one please, but make it the size of the cup! If there’s room for more than a thimble full of tea, you did it wrong.
Why am I so jittery? Why am I shaking? I just meant to set the cup down daintily, but now I’ve smashed it into a million pieces. Why am I pulling out my hair and laughing maniacally? Oh man, tea time always does this to me. I need you to chain me up in the basement and no matter how much I scream and struggle, do NOT unlock me! I’m about to go full Tasmanian devil in this mofo!
Read more “Nightmare Before Christmas Tea Set”
Chibi Cthulhu
Chibi Cthulhu is back! And this time he brought lollipops. Where do you think he gets his powers? The ancient evil has never looked so cute and cuddly. You can get them in any color you want, or with different wing colors. Hey, those are dum-dums. No, I’m not dissing baby Cthulhu. Those lollipops are dum-dums. Heh. Lollipops are stupid.
Pro tip: Never take something called a Molly-pop when it’s offered to you at a nightclub. Otherwise you end up rolling around in the street, trying to put out the fire of pretty lights that are clinging to you and singing softly. Always clean your ears and make sure you hear LOLLIPOP.
Read more “Chibi Cthulhu”
Squid Neckties
These Squid Neckties are almost as good as wearing an actual squid around your neck. In fact they are better. Let’s count the ways.
1- They won’t choke you with their tentacles.
2- Your shirt will not be wet and smell like seaweed.
3- You won’t smell like Squid all day.
4- The ink on these ties won’t shoot in your eye.
5- You can’t hang a bunch of Squid in your closet.
6- You can’t iron and starch a Squid. You can, but the stink!
All great reasons to choose these over a real Squid tie.
Chupacabra Skeleton Faux-Scientific Print
The Chupacabra is real. You know it and I know it. Also, the government scientists who accidentally let it escape the lab? They know it too. So let’s all just stop pretending and let’s address the white elephant pale goat-sucker sitting in the middle of the room. Now that we have established that fact, all that’s left is to stay the hell away from it. And also to get some cool art to put on our wall. To remind us to stay alert for this beast. This Chupacabra Skeleton Faux-Scientific Print is awesome. Faux? Fo sure!
Remember, if you see him, stay the hell away from this thing. He’s likely to give you some lab created disease that will make you rise from the dead and be his undead vampire servant.