Tag: religious

Cheesus Christ Cheese Grater

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cheesus grater
Cheesus, please deliver unto me a cheese grater worthy of your name and bearing thine image and I will grate the hell out of cheese in your name. P.S. I really love cheese Cheesus. You rock.

I deliver unto you this cheese grater in mine own image my child. It’s grate! Even if I do look like the Mona Lisa. Enjoy my son! Enjoy! Wait…you’re the Creepbay guy. Let’s see. I have you down for chronic masturbation and with the IQ of a wet paper bag. Not my best work. I have read the blog. You have much to answer for my son. Did you just fart? Who does that in my presence? I give up. You all suck! Keep the grater. I’m out. *poof*

Heh. Love scoring free stuff from Cheesus. Too easy. *Looks in mirror and screams* My chin! I mean…my balls! Noooooooooooooo!
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Jesus With Wings Night Light

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jesus night lightHoly Lord and creepy savior! Let this Jesus night light protect you from all manner of boogeymen, ghosts and demons, who prowl the night. He will scare the hell out of them literally. Look at him all lit up, flapping his dragon wings while he rips his shirt off Superman style.

Who ya gonna call? Jesus. He is the original Ghostbuster!

More shots below.
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Easter Bunny Crucifiction Oil Painting

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easter bunny jesusHere is an uplifting painting to display during Easter. It stars the Easter bunny as Jesus Christ. He died for our sins. Our Easter sins. Like not buying enough candy for kids baskets and using extra plastic grass so you can skimp on a few sugary peeps. Or buying candy the day after Easter half price. You sinners know who you are. Dad.

Here you see the Jeaster Bunny in three forms for the three days it took Jesus Christ to rise from the grave, according to the biblical text. On the left, the Easter Bunny is happy, standing with his basket of colorful eggs, ready to deliver them to kids. In the center, things take a dark turn, as he is being crucified. Delicious candy Peeps mourn below the cross. Then our candy delivering bunny and savior claws his way out of his grave. He has been resurrected! Hallelujah! And run like hell!

Behold The Bling Of Kings: 10kt Gold Jesus

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jesus bling pendantYou may think you’re a holy-roller, but if you don’t have this 10kt gold Jesus pendant, you ain’t nothing but a holy-roller skater, watching a Cadillac pass you by. The Cadillac being the dude wearing this blinged out face of Earth’s lord and savior.

Flash Gordon? James T. Kirk? Doctor Who? No you silly heathens. Earth’s other lord and savior. The original action hero. The almighty Jesus. Here he is all blingy-blingy, looking straight up pimp for $5,950.00 on Ebay. Because everyone knows that Jesus would prefer you to wear some gaudy shiny trinket, instead of, you know, taking that money and feeding the hungry or something. Man, that is some tacky looking Jesus jewelry.

Virgin Mary Book Saves Family From Burning House

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virgin mary bookThere must be a Guardian Angel somehow attached to this old book, because it saved a woman’s entire family, when their house was unexpectedly set on fire, by a devious group of teenage arsonists. A few nights before the fire, a mysterious masculine voice was heard coming from the book, warning Ebay seller shygirl_2, that something terrible was about to happen and they were all going to die. Read more “Virgin Mary Book Saves Family From Burning House”