Tag: strange

The Hour Is Nigh – Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Unicorns

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The Hour Is Nigh - Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Unicorns
If it isn’t the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Unicorns! Collect the whole set. Behold, four horrific unicorns: Death, Famine, Pestilence, and War. Not sure, but I think these may be knock-offs cuz I don’t see any cutie marks on their butt. Oh that’s- Nevermind. My bad. Also, I noticed you call them horsemen, but they don’t appear to be horses that look like men. They also don’t have riders. Also, they are unicorns. So what gives?

I’m gonna pit them against each other and save the world! Pestilence can kill War with a plague, Famine can kill Pestilence, Death will kill Famine and… Holy unicorn crap! There’s just no way to beat Death!

Okay, I can do this. Gotta get my head in the game. Instead Famine kills death… But wait, he’s death. How do you kill death? There must be a way to solve this riddle. Start again. Start again. Damn, changing up the order doesn’t work. It’s always death! Death! Death! *Screams, then collects myself with some deep breaths*

Oh well, looks like we are all screwed. I tried! I really tried guys! Death is just too powerful. Hey, at least none of them are named taxes. Am I right?

Ouija Board Necklace

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Ouija Board Necklace
You know what two hands and a spirit board are? The devil’s playground. Well, technically the devil’s playground is a burning lot with a sliding board full of needles, Hitler’s dog pissing everywhere, a merry go round made of barbed wire and a jungle gym made of human body parts. But I digress. If you’re brave enough to commune with spirits, then you are brave enough to wear this Ouija Board Necklace.

It already has two hands, so that when your boobies bounce around, it will look like those hands are flying around the board. Which I like, to be honest. Before you buy, I could demonstrate with your chest and my own hands. No? You sure? Right. I should probably just leave before the police get here.

Scary Vampire Skull Mask

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Vampire Skull Mask
Damn. This Vampire Skull Mask is what vampires look like under their pale skin and beady little eyes? Dude must have been in bat form when he died. Sucks. Was probably drunk and flew right into a tree. Happens. Fun fact: My vampire name is Bela Lu-Gassy. For obvious reasons. Of course in high school they called me Vlad The Inhaler for completely different reasons. This is the perfect mask to wear to one of the Eyes Wide Shut Illuminati parties. Not that I ever get invited.

Leather Gothic Skull Journal

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Leather Gothic Skull Journal
Check out this classy Leather Gothic Skull Journal. Classy. And sassy. You can use it as a diary, a journal, a notebook, whatever. That skull clasp is totally bones man. And I’m totally into leather too. Leather me up, that’s what I say. I love cow hide, nagahide,sometimes I like to run and hide. Cuz I’m crazy like that. Can you tell that my “medicine” has kicked in. Whoa man, I am in for a wild ride tonight. If I had one, I would write all of my adventures in this thing. But I don’t, so it looks like I’ll be writing another toilet paper publication novel this evening. I just write like crazy as I pull the roll, then reverse roll it up and set it on the bathroom shelf with my other works.

Sexy Velociraptor Body Hug Pillow Case

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Sexy Velociraptor Body Hug Pillow Case
Well, hello there. You are one sexy Velociraptor. I am gonna make sweet love to you until you are dino-saur. Baby you are-

*Door opens*

What?! Nothing is happening here. Just admiring this fun Sexy Velociraptor Body Hug Pillow Case. What do you mean my hips were gyrating? It’s called dancing.

Dirty Dancing?

Very funny.

So you weren’t giving her a Jurassic Pork?

You are disgusting. She’s not like that.

So you weren’t giving her a big hard bang that would lead to the extinction of her species?

GET OUT! JUST GET OUT! YOU RUIN EVERYTHING!