Hey, check out my choker! Does that sound dirty? Sorry. I mean my Monster Choker Necklace. Really though, check it out. Go ahead and unzip it. Go on. Hey, why are you running away? I guess some people just don’t appreciate fashion.
Check this out.*Puts a hot dog in there. zips it back up. Unzips it a minute later.* See? Gone. Thing is hungry as hell. I fed it some Skittles and onion rings earlier too. Problem is I have to brush ’em every night or they get even nastier. It’s a real pain.
If tights could talk, this one would say, “I vant to bite your butt!” Now that’s something to sink your teeth into. These Vampire Teeth Tights are adorable. Perfect for Halloween or just everyday creepwear. I gotta say those are some long legs. You can’t hear me, but I’m doing cat-calls right now and woot-ing it up!
Actually calf calls would be more appropriate since we’re talking tights. You got some nice calves and I ain’t talking baby cows. That lady over there? She’s got nice baby cows. You have nice calves. And that’s no bull.
Nice doggy. Who’s the nice doggy? GOT DAMN! HE TOOK MY ARM OFF. *Points with the index finger I have left* You are not a nice dog!
This Werewolf Dog Muzzle will make your dog look like a Werewolf. Hence the name. Fluffy or Fido will look like they are transforming during a full moon and ready to rip some flesh from your neck.
Put a muzzle on that dog.
Okay I did. Happy?
No, please. Take it off. That thing is terrifying. Why would you put that on a wiener dog? That’s just wrong.
Read more “Werewolf Dog Muzzle”
This monster mask is all teeth. Teeth going every which way but loose. That was a great movie. Right turn Clyde. *Swings arm out. BAM.* Oh damn. Sorry Grandma. But you know better than to sneak up on me when I’m writing a blog post. You needed a nap anyway. I apologize to whatever channel that is on the TV. You just lost your last Matlock viewer.
Read more “Monster Mask With Teeth”
Holy molar! What happened here? It’s like a bunch of people all sneezed an atomic sneeze at the same time and blew their teeth out. That happens to me sometimes, but instead of teeth, it’s usually bits of my lunch that spray all over the place. I’m the reason the salad guard was invented. I say it adds flavor, the law says I’m now required to wear a welder’s mask at all times.
This tooth art also looks like a bunch of oldsters left their dentures on the same tray in the hot sun. Either way, I’m glad I brush my teeth. You should too guys and gals.