When you play the game of molars, you chew or you don’t. There is no middle ground. Also… Dentures are coming!
Also…. A Lannister always pays his dentist.
This crown of teeth lets you wear some pearly whites on your head, which would feel like your head is in the mouth of some weird beast. Now you know how your food feels.
This jewelry has bite. How annoying would I be with these Gold And Silver Vampire Rings? Putting my hands against people’s necks and telling them, “I want to suck your blood!” before getting punched in the Nosferatu. It would be pretty cool to wear these vampire choppers.
I’ll give one to my special vampire girl and she’ll say, “Fangs a lot! You really stoke the fires of my heart.”
Is your heart named Bram? Cuz I’m a real Bram Stoker and you have all the right vampire lestats!
Read more “Gold And Silver Vampire Rings”
EWWWW! Kill it with fire! But stay away from that unholy mouth with like a million teeth. The detail on this Leech Halloween Mask is amazing. And I should know. I’ve lived with enough of them. Nowadays I live alone, but I still see those leeches in flashbacks.
Those aren’t flashbacks. We call that a mirror. You were the leech.
Fair enough. *Opens mouth full of terrifying sucker-teeth and attaches to your side.* Can I have 5 bucks? By the way, do you have sandwich making stuff in your fridge? I’m starving.
These Denture Eyeglass Frames have bite! I’d give my eye-teeth for ’em. I don’t know what the hell that means, but whatever. It makes sense here anyway. It’s from the same folks who made the denture bracelet. I sense a theme here. Their home must look like a dental nightmare.
I hear you can care for all of their products with some toothpaste and denture cream. My grandmother keeps buying this stuff including these Denture Eyeglass Frames. I’m all like, “Just because you have the fake teeth doesn’t mean you need matching accessories!” Just something to molar over ya old bat!
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Your total is fifty dollars and forty-nine cents sir.
Here you go. Here is fifty dollars. And here is my Freaky Teeth Coin Purse where you can get the change. *Holds it up* You may open it.
Uh. I’m good. You open it.
No, I insist, you open it.
I’m not touching that mouth sir!
Go ahead. I can’t open it. I have arthritis.
Sir, you and your freak lady purse with teeth are holding up the line. Just go.
Well I never. *Bags my groceries and leaves* YES! This demented dental purse has saved me like seventy bucks this week. *Whistles through the parking lot.*