Go play with your ball. Stop smiling at me! Stop grinning at me, I said. Where’d you get such pearly whites? I better not get a bill from some doggy dentist. What’s so funny? Are you laughing at me?
Oh, it’s just a ball that makes you look like a grinning idiot. And they hold dog treats inside too? I’ll have to get grandpa one. Instant teeth, plus he will look happy for once, like he’s enjoying my company, when I visit him in that rest home I dumped him in a decade ago. He’s so ungrateful. I basically gave him a house full of maids, to serve him dinner and wipe his saggy old butt.
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Etsy seller 
Step on them! Step on them like cockroaches! These wind-up mutant baby toys really creep me out. I haven’t seen anything this freaky since I went on that “vision quest” with that mysterious Shaman. And by vision quest, I mean downing like 20 Mountain Dews and eating like $20 worth of Pixie Sticks. By Shaman, I mean my friend Mark who lives in front of the 7-11 and picks up spent scratch-off tickets with his leashed rat named Hieronymouse.