This Vampire Teeth Ring has got bite! You know that Dracula wears one like this right? But I ain’t tellin’ ya where he wears it. Know what I’m sayin’? What I’m sayin’ is he wears it as a Vampire C**k Ring, or VCR for short. Why ya gotta make me spell it out for ya? Damn. Never ask to see a Vampires VCR, cuz that ain’t a Samsung or Panasonic! What do you mean, how do I know? I just do. I’ve said too much. The point is, you should wear it out in the open so everybody knows. Just sayin’. I’m getting two of these bad boys so I can have a full Vampire jaw on my finger.
Author: Artemis Winterford
Hellraiser III Pinhead Action Figure
This Hellraiser III Pinhead Action Figure is based on Hellraiser III, which is triple the hell and twice the hades. Same amount of pins in the head. He stands 6-Inches tall and has 8 points of articulation. That means you can pose him in all kinds of neat poses. He comes with two sets of arms and two interchangeable sets of hands. He also comes with his infamous puzzle cube and the unholy instruments of torture. Which I’m not sure they got right, cuz according to my wife, the unholy instrument of torture is my voice. But what do I know?
Victorian Alien Photograph Art Print
Damn, they really have been here for a long time. This guy really should have put on a bowler hat and a mustache though if he wanted to blend in. This Victorian Alien Photograph Art Print depicts the father of the father of the father of the alien that abducted me last Tuesday. I’d recognize that face anywhere. Nah. Maybe not. They all look the same to me. Is that racist? Alien-ist? I’ll make up for it by calling them Native outer space non-Americans. Cool? Now that your panties are all un-bunched, I wonder if this guy wore a monocle and smoked a pipe. Cuz that’s what mine does. Hang on. You know what? I think I may have been abducted by one of those steampunk cosplayer peeps. So nevermind.
White Walker Jesus – Game Of Thorns?
Sing it with me Billy Idol. “It’s a… nice day for a… White Walker.” Remember that time in Game of Thorns(Get it?) when that dude killed that white walker and three days later it resurrected. That’s how you get Easter in Westeros people. This White Walker Jesus will let you relive all of the excitement. Choose your house: Stark, Baratheon, Lannister or Christ!
House Christ rules! I hope I’m scoring some good points to get into heaven here. You da man Jesus! Sorry about all that stuff I did and continue to do, but it’s cool cuz you forgive everything, so I just keep doing that stuff and that’s why we’re tight! Can I get a high five and an amen? Still ignoring me huh? That’s cool. We tight. We tight.
Cthulhu Bottle Opener
Yo Cthulhu, lend me a tentacle with my beer. Cuz the only thing worse than an elder horror is the horror of being without a cold beer. This Cthulhu Bottle Opener will let you pop those bottle caps with the power of the tentacled one himself. Bring me the head of Cthulhu! For I must drink! Cuz H.P. Lovecraft stands for Heineken Pabst Lovecraft. True story. I think. I may have just made that up in a drunken stupor.
Hey, that reminds me of a joke. What do you call an alcoholic apartment manager? The Stupor-intendent. Ha ha ha. Drunk humor is the best. Thanks for all the Cthulhu Mr. Hangover Prone Lovecraft. Laterz.