What up Baby Squidlet? You aint nothing but talcum powder and tentacles. Stop your squirming squidlet. You aint even wearing a diaper. Probably cuz you just wipe yourself like crazy with those tentacles when you make a dukie. I wish I had that kind of butt-wiping action, but no, I have to go through like a roll of TP just to break even and even then I still have mudd-butt. You are gonna look awesome in my curio cabinet.
Author: Artemis Winterford
Spiderweb Mandala Vest
This is the pattern for a Spiderweb Mandala Vest. I’m no seamstress, but I think all you have to do is show a spider the pattern and he will get to work spinning yarn out of his butt-sack and make this for you. Then all you have to do is wear this things and twirl around like Stevie Nicks, Queen of the arachnids. Maybe twirl around outside and catch some flies in this thing. Put them in a cocoon and save them for a snack. Great, now I got Stevie Nicks songs in my head.
Anyway, flaunt your spider-lovin’ style all you want. Maybe become the new Spider-Woman.
Read more “Spiderweb Mandala Vest”
Victorian Gothic Skeleton Necklaces
Goth yourself up fool! With these Victorian Gothic Skeleton Necklaces. Steampunk and Gothic. Those are two words that I love to hear together. These necklaces are cool. You got your gentlemen eyeball, your egg-headed freak and a bunch of fancy schmancy Victorian skeletons all dressed up. This will spice up your wardrobe my skeleton loving brothers from another mother. I didn’t forget about you my seesters from another keester. Wear these necklaces with pride.
Read more “Victorian Gothic Skeleton Necklaces”
Large Octopus Brooch
I’m not afraid to brooch the subject. This Large Octopus Brooch is the bee’s knees, Cthulhu’s tentacles, Medusa’s locks, Frankenstein’s bolts. Too scared to wear it? Don’t be an octo-puss! This guy has eight arms to hold ya with baby. Plus he’s all ink splattered, like a pen exploded in his face. I hate when that happens. He was probably just writing in his diary and SPLAT, day ruined. Don’t let your day be ruined by missing your chance at a cool accessory.
Palmistry Lampshade
Check out this cool Palmistry Lampshade. If I was a Palmist I would be all like, “Talk to the hand cuz the face don’t understand.” And I would have palm trees all over my reading room. No, not those palm trees. Palm trees that have human palms on every branch. And I would take Palm Sunday off, just cuz that’s what a Palmist does. And I’ll put Palmolive on the table and say, “You’re soaking in it!” And I would be able to tell from your palm who killed Laura Palmer. How many palm jokes can one man right? I don’t know, but I’m on fire like Napalm!
Actually, I’m tuckered out now. Not gonna palm it off on someone else. Just gonna stop. Not even a hairy palm joke. But I will say that I have no qualms about hairy palms.