Don’t ever trust those leathery alien-like cats. Here’s why. They’re probably vampires like this guy. This Nosfercatu Art Print is scaring the hell out of me. Stop looking at me like I’m a mouse dude. And where did you even get a coat that fits you so well? You put that paw down mister. You stop teasing your claws menacingly in my direction or Nosfercatu isn’t getting any wet food tonight. Yeah, that’s what I thought!
Author: Artemis Winterford
Miniature Alien Babies and Spaceships
Guys! Miniature Alien Babies and Spaceships are invading! It’s like a friggin’ alien day care up in this biznitch. They’re all attacking in their toddler spaceships, and with their tentacled, freaky faces. First they’ll probe us up our wazoos, then they’ll steal all of our resources. Probably use us for free babysitting and pay us like crap! Well, I don’t want none of that. I say we shoot ’em out of the sky so there’s diapers and pacifiers flying everywhere.
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May Cthulhu Eat This House Last – Cross Stitch
True that! Put this May Cthulhu Eat This House Last – Cross Stitch on your door and Cthulhu will be full by the time he gets to you. Technically, if we all put these on our door, everyone will be safe because we can’t all be last, yet Cthulhu will obey the command. Now we beat him using logic! High five everybody!
*A hellish wind kicks up. Rips the cross stitch off my door.* Oh f**k!
Zombie Eyes Bra
Hey baby! Nice Zombie Eyes. This Zombie Eyes Bra will get you all kinds of attention. Know what I mean, bra?
Hey, eyes up here Mister!
Actually, they’re down there. I’m just making eye contact. The Walking Dead? More like Walking D Cups. Did I ever mention that I’m a zombie optometrist. For reals! If you let me feel around I think I can cure those cataracts for you. See, the trick is to massage the zombie ocular areas until those eyes perk right up-
SMACK!
I guess that ends my career in zombie eyeballs. I wasted like 2 days getting that online degree.
Gothic Black Leather Skull Journal
Can you even wrap your skull around this Gothic Black Leather Skull Journal? It’s all creepy and spooky and full of skulls. Kinda like a cemetery that way. A cemetery for your deepest darkest thoughts. Bury them inside and close them like a casket as you snap the cover shut. Wow. I’m getting pretty dark. Good thing no one will ever see what I wrote in there. Pssst! *Beckons you closer* No one must ever know.
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