Author: Artemis Winterford

Octopus Gamer Print

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Octopus Gamer Print
This Octopus has game! He’s kickin’ it old school playing Nintendo. This Octopus Gamer Print will help you to remember that Octopus are cool and also that they will kick your butt in a game of Super Mario Bros. That’s probably because they squirt ink in your face every time you get the high score. I hate it when they do that. That’s why Octopi are my gaming enemies.

Octopus,
Octopi,
You spit ink into the wrong effin eye.

I’ll beat you fair,
I’ll beat you square.
I’ll beat you in my underwear.

I challenge you to Mario Karts,
Let’s see if you can withstand my gamer farts.

For I have Cheetos,
And I have Mountain Dew.
Now the very air, it smells like poo.

You have passed out and I have the high score.
I celebrate and show you the door.

I bid you good day you tentacled freak,
Now back inside to sit in my reek.

I said Good Day sir!

Krampus In A Stocking Christmas Decoration

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Krampus In A Stocking Christmas Decoration
Krampus In A Stocking! Sounds like something I would say when I stub my toe. Krampus in a stocking that hurts! Usually, I just say, “Santa in a sh*t house!” Look at him all hanging out of his stocking, tongue out like Gene Simmons. He even has a bag of Krampus coal if you’ve been really bad. Looks like he’s really licking that beard. Must have left some food in there at dinner. Happens to me all the time.

Dude is crazy. This will probably piss Santa off big time if he sees this hung from your mantle. Maybe the real Krampus will appear and they will fight to the death. If Krampus wins you get all of the gifts in Santa’s sleigh. If Santa wins, you are screwed because you were celebrating with a false deity.
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Creepy Creatures In Tea Cups And Bowls

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Creepy Creatures In Tea Cups And Bowls
VoodooDelicious has some truly delicious voodoo. Can’t wait to try their hoodoo. They probably have hoodoo, but I love that voodoo that they do so well. Like these Creepy Creatures In Tea Cups And Bowls. Would you like sugar with your tea? Cream? A foreign organism of some sort? When true evil destroys the world one day, this is how it will be born into the world. Not from a pit in some toxic bog, not from some hole that connects to the center of the world, but from a tea cup in some old ladies house. Probably my grandma, cuz she is into some whacked out evil stuff. Next time she summons some freak from another dimension, I’m not coming over to sort it out this time to clean up her mess.

I like that guy in the second picture. He’s like a little old man, just chilling and getting all wrinkly. Relaxing before he climbs out and tries to conquer the world. Probably swaying my grandma with his charm and good looks. Probably braggin’ about how he doesn’t need a little blue pill. This guy is trouble.
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Nightmare on Elm Street Freddy Krueger Glove Replica

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Nightmare on Elm Street Freddy Krueger Glove Replica
I never sleep these days. Nightmares with Freddy chasing me? Nah. Accidentally been pouring NyQuil on my waffles. Which I eat before bed. I’ll probably be better in a few days. On the plus side, my cough is gone. So, there’s no way I’m scared of this Nightmare on Elm Street Freddy Krueger Glove Replica. Pfft, what could he possibly do to me? You gotta get me tired to catch me Freddy. Oh sh*t. I just realized it was the drowsy formula. Oh well. Be seeing you soon Fredster and we will do battle again.

This replica is screen accurate from the original A Nightmare on Elm Street, with a distressed leather-like glove, with real metal attachments. It even includes a mannequin hand to display it when you aren’t wearing it so you can chop meat and cut hair and stuff. Pretty cool. feeling a little drowsy now. Probably not a great item to feature before falling asleep and being at Freddy’s mercy. Gonna be a long night.

Deck The Halls With Ugly Christmas Ornaments

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Ugly Christmas Ornaments
Damn son, you gots some ugly Christmas ornaments. SoUglyitsCuteCrafts has all kinds of ugly Christmas ornaments to ugly up your Christmas tree. Normally, I just throw my own turkey leg on the tree, but now I don’t have to. There’s also an ugly pickle, ugly Santa hats and ugly poop. Why spend all day beating your tree with an ugly stick when you can just buy these ornaments. The ugly stick takes a while to work. Trust me on that one.

In my case it took 9 months in the womb. But that ugly stick may have just been my dad still doing the nasty after mom was pregnant. Whatever it was, it was scary. Left me ugly too. No wonder I’m so messed up. Thanks dad.

You ornaments are nasty. U-G-L-Y You ain’t got no alibi, You ugly. You ugly.
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