Author: Artemis Winterford

Clawing Hand Wall Hangers

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Clawing Hand Wall Hangers
The hands! The hands are coming! To give you high fives from hell! Which I can only assume evaporates your hand with the burning fires of hades. These things are perfect creep decor for the home. Get some spiders and a skull to go along with these Clawing Hand Wall Hangers and you have yourself a portal to another world where dead people are reaching into ours.

I reached into a portal like that once, but that was only because I thought there might be a Snickers bar on the other side and I’m a diva when I’m hungry.

Gothic Skeleton Baby In Stroller

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Gothic Skeleton Baby In Stroller
Ahhhh. Look at the cute baby. Who’s the cute little baby? Can I lift the veil and see it’s adorable baby face? WHAT THE SHIZZ? I’ve heard of parental neglect, but damn!

This Gothic Skeleton Baby In Stroller is the perfect morbid decor for your haunted house. That stroller even has a goblin head in back. Like they used to say to my mom, that is one ugly baby!

I would make this thing into a sweet remote control car and zip it up and down the aisles of the grocery store until the speaker system says, UGLY DEAD BABY ON AISLE 5! Then I’d come in like a baby-ghost whisperer and rescue them all and get free groceries for like a week.

Man I have so many hopes and dreams. Yet so little motivation. My whole life is a bucket list. That list has two things on it.

Live fast, die hung.
Kick the bucket.

I effin’ rock at life!
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Beetlejuice Ring Minder

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Beetlejuice Ring Minder
Steps into a tiny room full of spikes going every which way. Closes the door and gets into the only safe corner. Clears throat.

“Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice.”

Dude materializes with a smile, instantly gets ready to pull his funny/crazy crap, but doesn’t because he instantly is impaled on spikes that he materialized into. And THAT is how you get rid of Beetlejuice. Now you know how to handle that crazy sumb-itch!

Let’s talk rings. Are you the lord of them? I’m J.R.R. Talkin’ to you. If you have more rings than you know what to do with, this Beetlejuice Ring Minder is a stylish way to display them. Once you’ve rid yourself of that Beetlejuice freak of course. Now you know how.

Creepy Funny Horror Fashion Photos

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Creepy Funny Horror Pics
Etsy seller MadrigalleryDotCom may be a serial killer. Call it a hunch. Either that or they are making their own version of American Horror story. They sell all kinds of photos/nightmare fuel. These are just a few examples. Thanks internet. Yet again, there’s no way I’m sleeping tonight.

You got your weird-ass glittery demon in red who just washed her hair, a weird-ass demon with a chocolate chip cookie and many more. I can identify with the cookie one. I’m a demon for cookies too.

Pro tip: If you have company that you want gone, buy these and put them in every room. Act like they are normal. Better yet, dress to match them.

Can you imagine the photo shoot? Work it. Work it girl. Turn to the left. Give me more horn. Love that attitude. Hold the cookie! The cookie is everything! More teeth!
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Gothic Skull Vessel and Pen Set

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Gothic Skull Vessel and Pen Set
Creeptastic! Holy Goth! This Gothic Skull Vessel and Pen Set will let you write all of your horror fan-fic, ransom notes, poison pen letters and other assorted weirdness. You get four skull-topped ink pens and a skeleton vessel to hold them in.

Man, I wish I had a skeleton vessel. “Full speed ahead!” I would shout from atop it’s spine, posed like George Washington leading the charge, as the skeleton beast walks toward the enemy. *Suddenly all of it’s bones shatter and leave me half-buried in a pile of bone.* “Damn you and your lack of calcium!”