Me need wet wipes. Me pee my pants! You guys and gals are a great bunch of readers. You always tell me that I make you laugh so hard that you wet your pants. Sounds like you have a bunch of wimpy bladders if you ask me. Anyway, I thought it was my duty to share these helpful Me Pee My Pants Wet Wipes with you.
Mark the box, “For Creepbay reading only.” That way when you wet yourself, you can clean up. Your welcome.
You women and your shoes. You have to have a show for every occasion. Dinner, parties, the beach, channeling the dead. Why is it not spelled Wee-ja? Stupid English language. Whatevs! These Ouija Board Heels from MissFiendishApparel are pretty neat.
Pardon me Miss, I couldn’t help but notice your amazing Ouija shoes. I’m pretty good at communicating with the departed. Mind if I have a go? Thank you. *Bends down on one knee. Takes a ring off my finger and uses it as a planchette. It slowly moves across the shoe* Mmmm, this is interesting.
What does it say?
It says congratulations, someone is looking up your dress!
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Damn that’s nasty. This Bloody Shark Bathtub Drain Stopper makes it look like a shark has swam up your bathtub pipe after a ferocious and bloody meal and just kinda got stuck there. Now he’s just hanging out, enjoying the suds from your bubbles, while you two make small talk. Hopefully he doesn’t get loose and start swimming toward your junk.
“What do you have detective?”
*Hovers over body in tub* “This is the second one this week. We appear to have a serial killer. One that likes to eviscerate nads while the victim is enjoying a nice bubble bath. Nothing else is touched. When he finishes his work, he drains the water and with it the evidence. Notice the blood wiped on this guy’s lips. It’s as if something very small and very bloody kissed him afterwards, all ritualistic like. Sicko!”
Fin!
(Haha. Get it? It means the end. Also shark fin! I rock. No…. I Rock Z. Ha ha. I did it again. Like the car. Iroc Z. Other writers can suck it!)
Hey look. A wolf in teen’s clothing. It’s the Michael Jackson Thriller Wolf Lifesize Movie Prop. Cause this is Thrilla. Thrilla night. Wooo-Hooo. *Moonwalks backwards into a bench and falls over.* Hey Mike, you grab your crotch with those claws and you’re gonna be holding some pulled pork my friend. Ha ha ha. Oh, stop growling at me. I’m a fan.
One question, why so much white hair as a Werewolf? Too much stress? Careful with that, it’ll kill ya. Ohhhhhh. My bad. I’m just gonna tip my hat, grab my crotch and moonwalk on out of here. *Trips over my own two feet and falls backwards* That was more like a halfway to the moon, shuttle blows up moonwalk, but you get the idea.
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If you like it, put a ring on it. *Holds out hand. Waits. Twiddles my fingers* Be that way. *Sulks* Fine whatever. You are all as cold and dead as this Gothic Cemetery Ring.
You can have the smallest cemetery ever right on your finger. So when you give people the finger, they will know that you are not just telling them to F**k off, you are also telling them to die and get buried on a hill somewhere.
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