This Nibble My Bits Bird Feeder Garden Gnome will be a sight for sore eyes for my neighbors, whose eyes are sore because it’s usually me in the yard with birdseed in my pants, shouting at them to “Nibble my bits” you fargon iceholes! They never do.
I think they’ll welcome this little guy. Property values may even go up around here. What can I say, I’m a bird lover and why use a dish when I wear pants three sizes too big?
Orders Chinese. Waits for like a half an hour. Guy arrives. I tip him a buck forty and a lemon starburst. Then I go inside and unpack my order. It’s all piping hot. I open up the center container and retrieve my warm and toasty Take Out Tentacle Scarf. Wrapping it around my neck, I smile. I can now go out in the cold.
As I step toward the door, it hits me. It’s friggin June! What the hell. It’s like sub-zero here with the AC at full blast. Well, I guess I’m wearing my Take Out Scarf In today. Hope I fare better than that strangled mannequin below.
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Give me some Bacon Duct Tape and I’ll be wrecking stuff on purpose so I can put bacon all over everything. My wife: Why does the rake have a bacon handle? Did you do some “body work” on my car? Why does it have a bacon roof in the design of the confederate flag like The Dukes of Hazzard? Why did I come home to a bacon crime scene and have to duck under bacon tape to get inside?
The answer to all of these questions is surprisingly simple…. Bacon.
Now here’s a face that only a mother could love. A Cyclops Baby Doll. He’s got one eye and a number two in the diaper. Maybe it’s a she. I have no idea. I just know that it used that horn to cut it’s way out of it’s mom’s belly.
Miss monster mother, you have a brand new baby- Oh, well, that’s unfortunate. *Screams fill the operating room. Doctor checks his watch.* Not two minutes old yet and it’s already poked out the eyes of two nurses. Now it doesn’t feel so alone.
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These Zombies Playing Cards will turn your poker night into “The Shuffling Dead”. They feature some pretty cool zombie artwork.
Zombie survival tip #27: You can throw playing cards at a zombie to stab him in the eye. But it probably won’t work. So just run like hell and save your cards for a lonely night in some basement bunker somewhere.
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