Author: Artemis Winterford

Tentacle Toilet Paper Roll Holder

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tentacle toilet paper holder
I’ve been grunting and groaning for like an hour here. Even completed like 3 crossword puzzles. Time to wipe. Wanna lend me a tentacle here Cthulhu? Ah, thanks bud. You take good care of me. You’ve seen things in this room that would shock lesser beings, but you always come through.

This Tentacle Toilet Paper Roll Holder is ready to serve up butt-paper whenever you need it. I like to shake his tentacle after, just out of respect. Give it a little fist bump, followed by an explosion. I like it. He complains that I didn’t wash my hands first. He’s got a point.

Lifesize Chrome Skeleton

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lifesize chrome skeleton
What’s up chrome bones? You’re looking shiny, but I’m not sure if you’re supposed to be a fancy lady or a dangerous pimp- *SMACK* Well, that answers that question. You got a firm pimp hand and I respect that. No, I swear I haven’t been holding out on you. I wouldn’t do- *SMACK* Damn dude, chill. Okay, okay. *Reaches into my man-bra and pulls out a wad of dollar bills* Have all of it. Geesh! That was supposed to be my pizza money. Anyhow, looks like I’m working for you now. Should I just put on some rouge and fishnets or hit the corner as I am? You’re right, I should probably put on some pants first. Can’t give it away for free after all. Laterz pimp daddy. Your hand and my face will negotiate terms later.

This Lifesize Chrome Skeleton can be dressed up, posed, hung from a second story window, buried, burned, sent down a steep hill in a barrel… You can do whatever you want with it. Just respect his pimp hand and he’ll treat ya right.
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Melted Monsters

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melted monsters
These monsters from Monsterarm are all melted and freaky. But in a good way. They’re cute, crazy and creepy. I especially like the guy on the toilet, who was inspired by the movie “Ghoulies”. I like how he got that drippy effect on all of these monsters, like they’re melting down into a pile of goo. Is it wrong that I want to lick them?

These melted monsters will melt your heart, then eat it all up like a gooey bloody grilled cheese sandwich. Which reminds me. It’s lunch time. Later peeps and creeps. This monster is hungry.
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Dress Of Exploding Horses

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etsy paper horses dress
This Dress Of Exploding Horses knocked that woman right on her butt! She had a nice fancy dress on and was just minding her own business, when BAM. The four horses of the apocalypse exploded out of her boobs. Shizz just got real! I think there are four. It’s just a mess of horses all jockeying for position. And now she’s on her butt. That’ll teach ya to be a little girl and dream of ponies. Be careful or your dreams just may come true in unexpected ways girls.

*Changes out of the My Little Pony shirt immediately* What? Best to be safe. I don’t need Rainbow Dash exploding out of my chest like an alien. Friendship ain’t that friggin’ magical!
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Victorian Dog Candles

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etsy victorian dog candles
These beeswax candles from Etsy seller Darknessvoid are Dogs in Victorian dress. Do you smell the wax that they’re burning? Lifting their leg on? It’s a dog eat dog world. You might as well have some high class dog candles to like your way.

These are for the sophisticated dog lover. Not for the likes of you and me who let our pooches run around the dog park humping anything and everything. More for those types who carry dogs in handbags and tell the butler to clean up fifi’s poo with the gold plated family pooper scooper.
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