Aren’t you a cute wittle My Little Pony Alien Xenomorph. Who’s the cutest wutest wittle awein? I got your nose! Yes I did. I got your nose! ARRRRGHHHHH! It took a finger!
I should have got a Facehugger! At least it hugs you while it kills you! Bad Xenomorph. Bad! I would point at you while I say that, but I have no finger! Who the hell are you, anyway? Rainbow Slash? To Death?
Read more “My Little Pony Alien Xenomorph: Friendship Is Tragic”
What seems to be the problem here officer?
You were doing 70 mph in a 10 mph school zone.
*Presents I’m Speeding Because I Have To Poop Key Ring*
You a funny guy?
Sometimes, but right now I’m prairie doggin’ it like crazy.
Can I see your license and registration- What in the name of god is that smell? Is there a dead corpse in the trunk?
*Reaches in back pocket for my now butt-mud covered wallet. Offers it to the officer with butt-mud covered fingers*
*Cop gags and retches. Covers his mouth with a cloth.* I’ve seen a lot in my career, but you sir are a disgusting human being! Get the hell out of here and get yourself checked for something dead inside you!
*On the road again. Looks at key chain* Well, that didn’t help!
Grow Your Own Hairy Beaver like it’s the 70s. Well, maybe not THAT hairy. People were crazy back then. This cool pet for your desk will have everyone wanting to look at and pet your beaver. “That’s filthy!” says some woman in Montana as she thumps her bible. But I guarantee you one thing. She wants to touch it. It’s just gardening after all.
Just put your beaver into the watering bowl and cover it with grass seeds. Then watch as your beaver gets nice and bushy. Trim your beaver. Give it a mohawk, whatever you want.
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This Trioxin Barrel Incense Burner Prop is hand scuplted and handmade. It even has a detailed sculpt of the Pre-Tarman character from the movie Return of the Living Dead looking out of the barrel. The incense burner can be placed under it. The two small holes drilled through the top opening lets the smoke escape, so it looks like toxic poison leaking from the barrel.
Pffft! I have like 4 full sized versions in my yard, all venting smoke. Got a sweet deal on this house because the government used it as a waste dump. Sure, the grass and trees all glow at night and the deer with antlers going down their backs like mohawks wake me up with their ungodly shrieks as they beg to die, but it’s all good. As soon as my DNA is finished changing, I’ll be the Toxic Avenger biatches!
Read more “Return Of The Living Dead Zombie In A Toxic Waste Barrel Incense Burner”
Wig out with the Wig Head Vase. It will let you make funny hairdos out of your flowers and plants. It’s basically like an upscale Chia Pet. Sure, you could use these head vases to decorate your house, but I would use ’em different, cuz I’m a rebel like that.
I would arrange all my plants on the mannequin head there and then glue them all to the head. Wait two hours. Then peel them all off and wear it my own damn self. Cuz these hairdos look good.