Author: Artemis Winterford

Tie Skirt: Office Wear Evolved

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Tie SkirtYeah, I can see women rockin’ the tie skirt, climbing the corporate ladder. They start at the bottom, wearing dress pants and fetching coffee and doughnuts. Then they take out the corporate lackeys above them one by one, luring them into supply closets with the promise of sex, killing them dead and collecting trophies from their swelled pencil necks. When they have enough, they fashion them into skirts, taking the office by storm. Catching the eye of their superiors and quickly ascending in rank, until they have an office full of brave Amazons in tie skirts, firing rubber band crossbows with No. 2 pencil bolts at each other until only the strongest survives.

See this is why I don’t work in an office. Women are vicious and crafty.
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Inflatable Pizza Chair

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pizza chairThis Inflatable Pizza Chair is a slice of heaven that looks like a slice of pepperoni pizza. This is the true meaning of the phrase “comfort food”. Hey, I would sleep in a bed of mac and cheese if it’s comfortable. The macaroni would be the mattress, letting you sink down just enough so that the warm cheese enfolds as a wet gooey blanket that you can lick all night.

Anyway, this slice of pizza looks super comfy. It might be just what I need. Hey, did you wet yourself again? Hell no, I’m a big boy now. Really? What’s that spot? That’s just pizza grease. Totally normal.

Handmade Tic Tac Skull Game

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tic tac toe skull gameThis handmade Tic Tac Toe game is pretty awesome. If you still find Tic Tac Toe to be a challenging game anyway. It has skulls on black and white bases for the Xs and Os. Tic Tac Toe was never my thing. I read the rules like 50 times and still couldn’t make any sense out of it.

I guess it’s a game for advanced gamers with years of experience. I’ll just stick to games I understand like Go Fish. The seller has several other versions of the game too.

Alien Walking Stick

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Alien Walking StickNeed a new walking stick? Try this Alien Walking Stick. Sounds like an insect that looks like an alien, but it is a walking stick that looks like a scary grey alien. Both are terrifying. Especially when you consider that old people like to hit young people with walking sticks. How would you like to get whacked in the face by this walking stick and then have an imprint of an alien on your face all day?

Hey, what happened to your face? Oh that? Helped an old lady across the street and into her UFO. She said I had seen too much and started whacking me. Laid there for about a half an hour after the thing took off, until some men in black arrived, took a blood sample, kicked me a few times and told me that I saw nothing and don’t talk about this EVER. I guess I just did.

Gonna end this here. Someone’s knocking on the door…This isn’t good.
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Vegetabrella Looks Like A Head Of Lettuce

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lettuce umbrellaKeep your head dry with a head of lettuce. Like cardboard, lettuce has practically no nutritional value. But it can You protect your head in the form of this lettuce umbrella. If you are dry you will Romaine calm. Even if it’s raining an iceberg on your head. Lettuce jokes are fun.

Lettuce rejoice at the Vegetabrella. It makes the rain leaf you alone. Walk down the street and twirl with this umbrella and you will be a real salad spinner. Ok, I’m done.
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