Giant Lobster Claw Lamp

giant lobster claw lampDamn. That’s one giant lobster claw. It’s perfect for that Spongebob Squarepants themed room you have been decorating. It can go right next to your crabby patty snack tray. Fun fact: I tried square pants for about a year, but my sharp butt corners kept tearing my couch to pieces. That is such BS that that guy can sit on any furniture.

Anyway, this giant lobster claw lamp will look great in any nautical themed room. It even has a spool of rope around the bottom like some now-dead sailor tried to catch it. Nope, Didn’t work. All you gave him was a lobster bracelet while his other claw snapped you clean in half.

No way I’m getting this lamp. With my faulty electrical system, this thing would reanimate every time I got a power surge. Playing “Turn the lamp on and see if you still have fingers after” is not a fun game. I already play a similar game every time I add another plug to that one mass of plugs I call my “one outlet to rule them all”. If it sparks that’s how you know it’s working. At least that leaves my fingers intact as it’s frying my body.
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Ebola Plush Toy: So Cute It Is Infectious

ebola plushMaker of infectious toys modeled after viruses Giantmicrobes has one weird plush that is sure to be passed around a lot this season. Their entire stock is sold out, probably thanks to its small and large Ebola plushes and its Ebola petri dish toy being so hot this season.

I didn’t order one. I’m too busy looking for the next threat that we are supposed to be scared of after this one. They should really give out flu plushes with vaccinations though, since you get it every time they give you a flu shot. Thanks. I’d hate to see what happens when you try to protect me from Ebola. I’ll just grow my own moldy petri dish and see what I can come up with.

Giant Inflatable Furry Black Cat

giant black catMouse problem in your yard. Go for a nuclear solution and get this massive 8 foot inflatable cat. You will never see a mouse again! In fact, this giant cat will keep everything away from your yard. Maybe even trick or treaters. And that means more candy for you. I usually buy a bag of Reese’s peanut butter cups and a bag of old lady candy. I keep the former for myself and give the latter out to all of the little ghouls and fools.

Haha. Suckers. Get the good stuff when you’re old enough to buy it yourself! That’s probably why the side of my house looks like a runny omelet and why my tree looks like a toilet paper dispenser from hell. It’s like the friggin’ Purge around here by like 8 o’clock.

Anyway, this giant and ferocious cat has a furry plush coat, glowing eyes, and an animated head that turns to look around. Get the furry version or a non-furry version. Video below.
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Life Size Skull Lamp: Hey, Your Brains Are Glowing

spark of life skull lampThis “Spark of Life” skull lamp from Etsy seller jackofthedust will light up your room with grey matter. Usually having brains splattered all over your room is something to clean up before the cops get there, but the only thing spilling from this cranium is light. There are several colors available.

It’s like this skull just had the mother of all ideas and the light bulb in his head went nuclear. Like that time I had the idea to make a website full of weird stuff you can buy online. Now I’m buying a bunch of crazy stuff and am basically a hoarder, plus I’m working like everyday. And do you guys appreciate it? Do you? I’m just messin’ with ya. You guys are the best. Keep sending in tips about weird messed up or weird cool stuff. You see that picture above, that’s your brain on Creepbay.
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Fashionably Creepy: Tick Earrings

tick earringsTick earrings. Is your skin crawling yet? Man, I hate these damn dirty bloodsuckers. Ticks are natures Vampires and if they attach themselves to your skin and start sucking, all you can do is kill them with fire. That usually means having your friend light a match while you are both freaking out and having that friend burn you over and over again while completely missing nature’s bloodsucking demon. Can we get this damn thing off of me or are you tattooing me with FIRE?

When you do finally burn these freaks of nature, they let go and get the hell off! Usually leaving you worried about having some kind of horrible disease. Thanks nature! This is why I stay inside and play video games.

They really tick me off!
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