This Spider Coin Purse (PDF pattern) is perfect for when you leave your web to do some grocery shopping. That will be $103.86 please. WTF? For a tube of hemorrhoid cream and a roll of lifesavers? I guess the economy really has gone to hell. Oh well. I’ll just pay for it in quarters and nickels so I can show off my cool spider coin purse.
As a bonus, this guy gets fatter with every coin you put in him, making him look all beefed up and strong.
Read more “Spider Coin Purse Looks Hungry”
Awww. It’s a duct tape teddy bear. I’m gonna call him the Gimp and use him as a stress reliever. What’s that? This late fee is going to cost me like $40 bucks extra??? BRING OUT THE GIMP! AND GET MY BAT! Another f***ing telemarketer called? THE GIMP! AT ONCE! I really don’t understand these taxes. You mean the more I make, the more I owe? GIMP! TO ME! NOW!
I hope he’s built solid cause I have a lot of issues. My therapist will be pleased that I’m not taking it out on his furniture every time he sighs and calls a bathroom break.
“Why are you so out of breath and why is my couch all torn apart and full of holes?”
“The same reason your bathroom smells like Mary Jane. Stress relief. You needed a break from me and I needed to justify paying $400 a session when I could just-”
“Let’s talk about your mother. I-”
“YOU ARE LOOKING A LOT LIKE THE GIMP DOCTOR! TIME FOR YOUR SESSION!”
Read more “Duct Tape Teddy Bear: Build-A-Bear…On A Budget”
This informative and educational How To Poo On A Date book will teach you the fine etiquette of pooing while on a date. So it’s about wooing and pooing.
Now toilet etiquett-sperts Mats & Enzo have turned their attention and extensive experience to what is surely one of the most important questions that has played on the mind of mankind for centuries: how to poo on a date. Not an instruction manual as the title might imply, this is a practical guide to confronting every possible problem or eventuality one may encounter when wooing. Inside you’ll learn exactly what to do (through explanatory text and useful diagrams) in a variety of practical, real-life situations, from feeling the call of nature as you walk in the woods with your paramour to what to do if you block her toilet with a monster mud-out.
The first thing that I do on a date is poo. It’s just nice to get it out of the way. Into the open.
*Ding-Dong*
Oh, hello. You look lovely. Do you mind if I just use the- Oh, thanks. I’ll just be a minute.
*2 minutes later*
Dear God! Are your insides made of actual trash? What kind of foul beast are you? *Falls to her knees retching*
Tsk-Tsk. Look’s like you will not be going anywhere tonight Princess. You’ve failed my little test. I need a woman whose nose is immune to my bathroom charms. You are not her. Good day to you.
But- *gag* Help me- *choke/cough*
I said good day!
Let somebody else be in charge of your body and use you as a meat puppet this Halloween. This Alien Mind Control mask is pretty realistic. I should know. I’ve tussled with aliens before. Some of them do tend to put your head up their butts so they can control you.
His mind is your mind. His thoughts are your thoughts. Hey, Spock did this Mind meld junk in a much nicer way. With Spock you never had to smell alien rectum while someone else was in the driver’s seat. Anyway, thank God this is just a mask. Only $97.99 from The Horrordome. More images below.
Read more “Alien Mind Control Halloween Mask”
Damn. These Nerds look good. Show your love of Nerds candy by wearing a nerdy dress that hugs you in all the right places. I’m partial to Blue Raspberry myself. These girls seem like my kind of nerds. Maybe we can get together and have a nerd party. Love your packaging girl. Are you as sweet on the inside as you are on the outside? I’d love to pop your top and shake your sugary bits into my mouth.
*slap*
Hey, you dress up like Little Red Riding Hood, you are going to attract a Big Bad Wolf. Or in this case, dress like a nerd, attract a nerd.