Author: Artemis Winterford

Twisted Zombies With Brains Coaster Set

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Twisted Zombies With Brains Coaster SetZombies want brains. They will kill you dead to get yours. But the real monsters are your friends who leave rings on your table or spill their drink. Now you can stop one monster by using another. This Twisted Zombies With Brains Coaster Set will help.

These disgusting zombies are all twisted around some brains and just waiting to protect your surfaces from drinks. Who is the real zombie? The ones who walk around with their flesh rotting or the loser who ruins your table and doesn’t even notice?

Felt Food: Looks Delicious, Is Not Nutritious

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felt foodEtsy seller Tatestastees owes me a lunch. Thanks for making me hungry and offering nothing but tasty looking felt food. I tried to eat one of your cornish game hens and it gave me cotton mouth. On the plus side, I had the softest poop of my life. I might do it again. Very relaxing and cleansing. (Word of warning. DO NOT mistype the seller name. Tatespastees only has stuff to cover your nips. Glad to pass that on.)

If you have a felt food fetish, welcome to heaven. Tatestastees has all kinds of felt food. French fries, meat, pizza, lasagna and much more. Click through for more images.
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Rib Cage Accent Lamp: Ribbed For Your (Reading) Pleasure

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rib lampNeed some crib light? Get a rib light! Doctor, my lamp has stopped working! I need an IV stat! Get me those rib spreaders! Keep an eye on the patients vitals while I change the bulb!

Need a shade on your rib lamp? Then put some meat on your bones. The only thing missing is a pull cord to turn it on and off, that looks like an intestine. Only $100.
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You Must Be Out Of Your Gourd: Pumpkin Appendages!

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pumpkin appendagesGive your pumpkin 2 arms and 2 legs with this set of 4 Halloween Pumpkin Appendages. Pumpkins are born without limbs. It is a tragic condition, but one that can be remedied today. These arms are bendable and posable. This Halloween, give your pumpkin the gift of limbs.

It is going to be so awesome being able to high five my pumpkin, shake hands and make him give the middle finger to my neighbors. Check out more images below.
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Weird New Age Taxidermy Squirrel Rug With Glowing Crystal Crown

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new age squirrelThis strange New Age Squirrel taxidermy rug is all you need to meditate, alleviate and resonate with otherworldly forces. Channel an ancient Atalantean priestess. Maybe even see into a past life. Ask the magic squirrel carcass a question and if it’s glowing crystal crown lights up, it means that the light entities roaming the astral plain have an answer for you.

The quartz crystal points embedded in this dead squirrel’s head are her “crown”, lit with LEDs from within. More images below.

I was new agey like you once, until I channeled Elvis. I knew I was successful when I squeezed cheeks and released a 40 second fart. Obviously it was the old fat Elvis. Smelled like a dump truck hauling rotten peanut butter and banana sandwiches. That’s enough to get anyone to put their magic crystals and pyramid hats away forever.
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