Category: Craft Fail

Newly Hatched Baby Raptor Jesus Egg

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Baby Raptor JesusHey, if they say it’s baby Jesus hatching out of an egg, who am I to argue? I am ready to worship you, my fetus bodied, raptor headed god, sitting on your eggshell throne. How may I serve?

Yes master. *buzz* I shall get the DNA of your raptor relatives and clone them at once. *buzz* You shall have a mighty army. Just as soon as I get this fly. There he is my lord. On your nose. *Crack/squish* Oh s**t. Can you hear me raptor Jesus? No? Damn.

Psst.

What do you want Satan Clamcake? *hold out your hand boy* Okay. Sweet. Thanks for the thirty pieces of silver. Is this enough to buy a PS4?
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Authentic Ceramic Hot Dog

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

ceramic hot dogNow this is a tasty decoration. Forget all of your grandmothers porcelain animals and figurines. Ceramic Hot Dogs are where it’s at! You will relish this amazing one of a kind collector’s item and piece of Americana Obese-a-rama.

This ceramic decoration knocks my “Oscar Meyer” out of the “Ball Park”. See what I did there? Hot damn, that is one finely detailed wiener in a bun! Only $34.99 from Ebay. Where else?

Well, I’m off to find some ceramic burgers, chicken nuggets and fries, so I can have an entire ceramic meal on a tray.
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Attention Deficit Design: Rotary Phone In A Bedpan, Attached To A Tripod

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

bedpan phoneScore! This is a $150 rotary phone in a bedpan, attached to a tripod. It is basically a landline/urinal that will make a huge nasty mess if you ever tried to use it. Craft fail? You’re talking on it/peeing in it. Must be the new retro phone from A Pee & Pee.

Original Flappy Bird Drawing For $1,000

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Flappy Bird drawingScore. You may not be able to clear the first pipe, but now you can display some fine Flappy Bird art in your home. You know, Flappy Bird. That game that was hot for like a week, that no one could beat and then 2 days later, we all moved on to something else? Yeah that game.

This original Flappy Bird Drawing was hand drawn. This isn’t some reprint or copy. It was hand drawn in pencil. The funds will go toward this dude’s college education. Because right now he spells it “collage” in the eBay article. No lie. Go ahead. Help the kid out so that he won’t have to draw Flappy Birds for money.

Mutant Dinosaur Poops Out Mickey Mouse

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

dinosaur pooping mickey mouseWTF? Just what you want to get your kid. A plush mutant dinosaur all cobbled together from various animals. Oh and did I mention that it is pooping Mickey Mouse from it’s blowhole? Hey, it also has cave drawings on it’s skin. Otherwise known as a Jurassic Tattoo.

I know how this guy feels. Reminds me of the time I gorged myself at Disney World. After a half hour of sitting on the porcelain throne, I did a Mickey myself. A huge Mickey. Had some peanut ears and everything. Then I overdid it again that night and did a Minnie, followed by a Donald. Then a Huey, Duey and Louie. I could have held it in, but I ain’t no Scrooge McDuck.

See more of this monstrosity below.
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