Category: Creep Wear

Consume, Sleep, Obey: They Live Mask

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they live mask
What’s up formaldehyde face? It looks like your head fell in the cheese dip back in 1957. You. You’re okay. This one? Real f**kin ugly. I’m not saying that nothing would happen after a couple of drinks, though.

This They Live mask makes you look like one of those aliens that secretly controls the world. I’m surprised I can see it for what it is. I’ve spent like 4 years checking out every pair of sunglasses in every store and I haven’t found the magic pair yet, that will let me see our true masters.

Fart Warning Underwear

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Fart Warning Underwear
Fart Warning Underwear. You’ve been warned. I don’t know why you’re still hanging around watching that loading bar reach critical mass. When this thing blows the walls are gonna be repainted.

Just squirted a little, so I can get ya a color swatch. I call it “Downtown Brown”. It’s hip and trendy. I think you’ll like it.

Roswell 1947 Bracelet

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Roswell 1947 Bracelet
The aliens that crash landed in Roswell New Mexico in 1947 were probably drunk driving. Or texting maybe. Or making sweet love with their fingers like Mr. Spock does. They crashed during a lightning storm. Well, these alien’s misfortune can be your gain. Because you get to own this cool Roswell 1947 Bracelet. The seller says:

The saucer section of this sterling silver bracelet is embedded in a field of many small pieces of metal that have been fused and soldered to the bracelet cuff to simulate earth.

I’m a little bummed at the lack of alien corpses, bongs and beer can debri, but it’s pretty awesome.

Leather Cat Purse

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Leather Cat Purse
Wait, wait, wait! Let me see if I have this expression straight. The cat’s out of the bag. But how can it be, when this Leather Cat Purse clearly shows that the cat IS the bag? Is the bag now out of the cat? No, really, this is messing with my head. I can’t tell if this thing is the cat’s meow or the cat’s pajamas. Is it ketchup or catsup? Now I’m freaking out man! Cat have your tongue? No, but it can hold your lipstick and other stuff.

Anyway, look what the cat dragged in. This awesome purse. Ha ha. It looks like the cat that ate the canary. ha ha. I’m losing it. Losing it. Like a cat on a hot tin roof. I need to go meow.

Snakeskin Cuff With Snake Head

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Snakeskin Cuffs With Snake Head
This Snakeskin Cuff With Snake Head is perfect if your name is Snake Plisskin or if you are a Cobra Commander. Just leave the head on. Why not? You wear one and I’ll wear one. We can let them slither around our wrists and them slam our wrists together and make them fight until the local ER room has to mend our broken bones.

How’d ya break your wrists?

Uh… We just really suck at high fives. No illegal wrist-snake fights going on here.

Our snake cuffs would be undamaged cuz snakeskin cuffs are snakeskin tough!