The Brief Safe. It keeps your money and cards safe. Because it is a pair of briefs that look nasty. They even have a faux-skid mark. They have special compartments to keep your stuff safe. Even if you have them off and tossed in a corner, no one is gonna want to touch your nasty business.
You can leave it in plain view in the laundry basket and thieves will just gasp, cover their nose and mouth and move on. Be safe with the Brief safe. Now how am I gonna tell them apart from my normal underwear?
How would you like a wolf chasing your fanny all day and going in circles? You want some of that action? Then bid on this 
Know where your poop comes from and show everyone else, with this 
These Velociraptor heels are so hot they require an exploding volcano tat. Velociraptors are the Road Runners of the Dinosaur world, so they should improve your speed. Velociraptors existed during the Cretaceous period, about 75 million years ago, but they are in fashion this season.