Have you been bitten by a Vampire? If so, dry your tears on some tissues from this Dracula Tissue Box Cover. You know what they say.Once bitten twice shy. What the hell does that even mean? That I’m gonna be bashful if another Vampire bites me? Hell no. I’m a little tease. I’m gonna be all batting my eyelashes and flirting. Then when he’s distracted, I’m gonna bite him instead and turn him human, cuz that’ll work. Then when he is holding his neck and saying, “Ow! What the-” I’m gonna knee him in the nuts and run.
Category: Geeky Cool Stuff
Bigfoot Pocket Journal 3 Pack
I gotta get me this Bigfoot Pocket Journal 3 Pack cuz I always see Bigfoot in the woods, and one time at the 7-11, but that last one may have been some lady with a LOT of testosterone. I couldn’t tell by the grunting or the big booty waddle. I’d use these to recount all of my Bigfoot sightings.
December 17th Saw Bigfoot taking a deuce in a forest stream. *Draws picture of Sasquatch all bent over and grunting,dropping a cleveland steamer that kills a frog.* January 5th. Saw Bigfoot masturbating. Stepped on a twig and he quickly stopped and pretended he was sleeping all along. *Draws Bigfoot doing his thing. Writes HAHA with an arrow pointing towards his tiny weenie.*
I would fill these things in 5 seconds. People doubt that he exists, but how can you not see him? He’s like ten feet tall.
Black Ouija Board Throw Blanket
This Black Ouija Board Throw Blanket will keep you warm and probably leave a portal open so spirits can enter our world while you sleep. Probably. I have no idea. I just know that if I slept under this thing my OCD would kick in. I’d need a planchette on top so I could hover it over “goodbye” before I went to sleep and then I wouldn’t be able to get up in the morning until I hovered the planchette over “yes”. Then if I was with a woman I would ask her if we were having sex, so I’d have to hover over “no”.
Hanging Bat Night Light
This Hanging Bat Night Light is gonna look cool as guano on a winter night in your batcave. It’s a fruit bat against the full moon. Which sounds like a great movie title.”Fruit Bat Against The Moon” in 3D. Who would win? The moon of course cuz the bat can’t breath in space. It was probably a bad choice to fight the moon then. Stupid bat.
Hell On Wheels – Zombie Killer Bike Badge
This is a Zombie Killer Bike Badge. I’ve been trying to earn one all day by mowing down pedestrians, but I guess I live in a zombie-free neighborhood. There was one old lady who had sores on her mouth who was shambling like the undead, and I thought for sure she was a zombie, but nope. Just a case of the herp and dementia. Then I realized I could just buy the badge. Boy is my face red. Also the front of my bike. Very red. And the streets.