Category: Just Plain Weird

Zombie Foot Toe Monster

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Zombie Foot Toe Monster
Holy ingrown toenail horn. That is gonna require some tough actin tinactin! This Zombie Foot Toe Monster knows the thrill of victory, but also the agony of de-feet! What the hell is it even doing there in the garden? Demanding a foot rub? If I gave in, I would have to scrub my hands clean with fire afterward. But I’m not. I’m not giving in. Not unless you rub mine first.

*Takes off my sock and a thick green vapor like a stinky cheese genie escapes. The plants instantly wilt and decay. Zombie foot freak scurries away choking* Looks like you have met your match Zombie foot. Sucks though. Was looking forward to a foot rub.
Read more “Zombie Foot Toe Monster”

Me Pee My Pants Wet Wipes

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Me Pee My Pants Wet Wipes
Me need wet wipes. Me pee my pants! You guys and gals are a great bunch of readers. You always tell me that I make you laugh so hard that you wet your pants. Sounds like you have a bunch of wimpy bladders if you ask me. Anyway, I thought it was my duty to share these helpful Me Pee My Pants Wet Wipes with you.

Mark the box, “For Creepbay reading only.” That way when you wet yourself, you can clean up. Your welcome.

Bloody Shark Bathtub Drain Stopper

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Bloody Shark Bathtub Drain Stopper
Damn that’s nasty. This Bloody Shark Bathtub Drain Stopper makes it look like a shark has swam up your bathtub pipe after a ferocious and bloody meal and just kinda got stuck there. Now he’s just hanging out, enjoying the suds from your bubbles, while you two make small talk. Hopefully he doesn’t get loose and start swimming toward your junk.

“What do you have detective?”

*Hovers over body in tub* “This is the second one this week. We appear to have a serial killer. One that likes to eviscerate nads while the victim is enjoying a nice bubble bath. Nothing else is touched. When he finishes his work, he drains the water and with it the evidence. Notice the blood wiped on this guy’s lips. It’s as if something very small and very bloody kissed him afterwards, all ritualistic like. Sicko!”

Fin!
(Haha. Get it? It means the end. Also shark fin! I rock. No…. I Rock Z. Ha ha. I did it again. Like the car. Iroc Z. Other writers can suck it!)

Michael Jackson Thriller Wolf Lifesize Movie Prop

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Michael Jackson Thriller Wolf Lifesize Movie Prop
Hey look. A wolf in teen’s clothing. It’s the Michael Jackson Thriller Wolf Lifesize Movie Prop. Cause this is Thrilla. Thrilla night. Wooo-Hooo. *Moonwalks backwards into a bench and falls over.* Hey Mike, you grab your crotch with those claws and you’re gonna be holding some pulled pork my friend. Ha ha ha. Oh, stop growling at me. I’m a fan.

One question, why so much white hair as a Werewolf? Too much stress? Careful with that, it’ll kill ya. Ohhhhhh. My bad. I’m just gonna tip my hat, grab my crotch and moonwalk on out of here. *Trips over my own two feet and falls backwards* That was more like a halfway to the moon, shuttle blows up moonwalk, but you get the idea.
Read more “Michael Jackson Thriller Wolf Lifesize Movie Prop”

Sumo Wrestler Notepad

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Sumo Wrestler Notepad
My wife pointed these Sumo Wrestler Notepads out to me. I quote, “If I leave a note for your lard ass on a notepad that has another lard ass on it, maybe you’ll actually notice and do your chores.”

Yeah well. You’re a lard ass!

Real original! Fatso. Remember that time you sat on your iPhone and turned it into an iPad?

Whatevs. Saw a Sci-Fi movie the other night. It starred Jane Fonda as you. Carb-arella!

F you! Rememember that time you sued Xbox 360 for guessing your weight?

They had a camera. I nearly won that case! Anyway, you’re so fat, you leave the house in high heels and come back in flip-flops.

Are you as turned on as I am right now?

I think so even though you are a disgusting blob!

Good. Get to the bedroom you fat f**k. It’s Sumo time!