Category: Just Plain Weird

Realistic Anatomic Skeleton Model

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

skeleton model
This Realistic Anatomic Skeleton Model is my new best buddy. We are gonna have all kinds of adventures together. He’s a wisecracking loose cannon, while I’m two weeks away from retirement. We’ll hang out all day and tell skeleton jokes and stuff. Bust bad guys. I’ll call him Helter Skelter and I’ll keep him in a fallout shelter. Man, life is sweet. Until they kill my partner.

*Holding Helter Skelter in my arms* I told you to wear a vest! *tears* They knew just where to hit you. *sniff* Because you taught them. *sobbing* You God Damn anatomy model. You taught ’em! And they used that knowledge against you. *wailing. Clenching Helter Skelter tight.*

Promise me one thing pal.

*Crying* Anything buddy. *Sniff* Anything.

Study me like they did. Then use it against them. *cough* Let knowledge be your weapon. *Cough* One last joke friend. *Wheeze* Who won the skeleton beauty contest?

*whispers* No body.

*Skeleton turns to dust* Noooooooooooooo!
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Creepy And Colorful Toy Sculptures

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Creepy And Colorful Toy Sculptures
Check out these cool toy sculptures by Seymour. They’re all trippy and freaky and scary like. This is like the land of Adventure Time only with more magic mushrooms. Or demonic Garbage Pail Kids from another dimension.

I like that hamburger dude wearing his brains on his crotch area. I can relate. I’m told that I think with my crotch all the time. I should probably send my crotch to college and better it. Get it a degree. Maybe Ivy league. Nah, Ivy would make my crotch itch. Anyway, I’m calling this guy “Purple Nerd Burger”. Check out some even trippier sculptures below. I gotta go. I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in.yeah. yeah. oh yeahhhhh!
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Bones The English Butler

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bones english butler
Bones The English Butler apparently doesn’t know how to wear pants that fit. Or shoes. But he’s a good servant. He puts up with a lot.

“Bones, come here. I need you!”

“How may I be of help sir?”

“You can start by wearing a proper shirt that will cover your ribs. There’s a good man. And for good sake’s chap, must your free hand always be in the position of catching a high five from behind, while it is down low because I’m too slow? Straighten up and get me a brandy so I can stand the sight of you. And get that murder out of your eye sockets.”

“Death sir…”

“What was that?”

“Yes sir!”

“Quite. Quite.”

Weird Crawling Alien Figure

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Creepy alien figure
This Weird Crawling Alien Figure is creepy. It’s crawly. It has some sort of fetuses trailing along behind it. Or possibly alien poopy. Maybe both. He probably had Mexican for lunch, which everyone knows, gives humans diarrhea. It does the same for alien males, while also inducing birth.

Which explains why he is crawling around in agony, his guts all in a twist, dropping Cleveland steamers along with his babies. My god the smell! But also the miracle of life. Should we be sickened or joyful? Somewhere Jesus is smiling down over this stinky sulphur smelling miracle of life. I imagine the last kid being pushed out with one last massive fart that hits the alien right in the face, making him pass out. It is now time for the young to feast on their father. By now even Jesus is like WTF and you can tell he’s trying not to hurl. He changes the channel.

Teeth Crayons

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Teeth Crayons
You get older you lose your teeth. Or as my grandmother says, “You get older you lose your teef!” But that doesn’t mean you can’t get a new pair that you can color with. I’mma put these teeth crayons in my mouth, grab a coloring book and start biting as I move the page accordingly. If my printer can do it, I can do it. It’s how I eat stuff anyway. I’m like an old typewriter. *Nibble nibble nibble. Ding! Moves food back into position and repeats. Looks at the pile of crumbs at my feet. Tosses empty corn cob.*

Just gotta practice keeping the colors between the lines. *Holds up tattered and torn coloring book page.* Not bad. Too bad everything tastes like Crayola now.