Category: Just Plain Weird

Aluminum Bat LED Flashlight: See Things At Night, Beat Them Senseless

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flashlight baseball bat
This Aluminum Bat LED Flashlight is the perfect combination. See stuff in the dark. Hit stuff in the dark.

*snoring. Hears a noise. Shouts, “Burglar!” as I jump out of bed grabbing my bat/flashlight. Jumps toward the corner of the room where I heard the noise. Turns on flashlight as I beat something savagely so it looks like a disco to anyone looking at my window. Out of breath. Whoever it was, they seem to have given up so I shine the flashlight down toward the carpet. I knew it! Proudly stands over the corpse of the dead spider in the spotlight.*

Thank you bat/flashlight. Now I can rest easy.

Big Butt Buddy Crochet Pattern

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big butt crochet
This Big Butt Buddy Crochet Pattern is exactly what it sounds like, a big crochet butt that will be your buddy.

Why you cheeky little-

Just talkin’ ’bout Butt Buddy.

You know what that means right?

Yeah, my buddy who is also a butt.

You mean your butt buddy?

Sure.

Ohhhhhh. Now I get it. Whatevs. I’m man enough to admit that me and my heinie homie are butt buddies.
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Plush Spam Sandwich

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plush spam sandwich
Hey it’s a Plush Spam Sandwich! I’m torn. On the one hand it’s spam which is a known (to my toilet)diuretic and is vomit inducing. On the other hand, it’s a plush that looks kinda cute. What to do? I think I’ll have the best of both worlds and puke while I cuddle it.

Kinda like I did that night I found out my date was packing a sausage in her spam sandwich. It was cuddly and cozy. With tears.

Fart Piano

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fart piano
You may not give a toot, but the Fart Piano is a piano that makes fart noises. Naturally, I’m interested, my own bunghole being off key.

It’s nine o’clock on a taco day
The regular crowd cropdusts in
There’s an old man sitting next to me
Ripping one with a big grin
He says, “Son, can you squeeze me a memory
I’ve really just run out of farts
But it’s sad and it’s sweet and I knew it complete
It smells like 3 rancid pop-tarts.”

La la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum
Sing us a song, you’re the fart piano man
Sing us a song you louse
Well, we’re all in the mood for a melody
And your farts peel the paint from the house…

Check out a video below where a My Little Pony farts the classics. Seriously.
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Mannequin Head Wearing Man-Antlers

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

manequin wearing taxidermy antlers
Check out this awesome set of man antlers that you can wear. Actually it’s a Mannequin Head Wearing Man-Antlers that you can decorate with.

I would pop these babies off that head and glue them to my own dome. Then I would stamp my feet and scratch at the floor with one foot while I snort. After that, it’s me against the wall. Then after that it’s me glued to a pair of man-antlers that are stuck in the wall. On the plus side, the apartment next door has a new coat rack.