Category: Just Plain Weird

Joker And Henchmen Clown Mask Set

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joker henchmen clown mask
“Why so serious?” Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because you waltzed in here and just robbed my bank wearing freaky clown masks. Look, I’ve only been bank manager for less than a week. You think you could rob somebody else so I don’t lose my job? I’ll even give you a sweet low interest loan Mr. Joker. A great mortgage rate? You know what? F**k it. I’m gonna get a mask just like every other freak in Gotham and I’m gonna start robbing people. The Batman can’t catch us all right?

These limited edition Joker gang masks based on The Dark Knight movie are no joke. In fact, they look pretty scary. (Fun story. I accidentally typed “Joker bang masks” and I saw images of naked people in my head. Wearing these clown faces. All piled on each other and gyrating.) These $766. masks are form fitting and will transform you into one of the Clown Prince of Crime’s many henchmen. You should be fine as long as you don’t, you know, wear them to your bank, or while boarding a plane and whatnot. Check out Joker mouse over here for a good laugh at the clown prince of crime.
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Frankenstein Flowerpots

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frankenstein flower pot
It’s alive! It’s alive with flowers! This Frankenstein Flowerpot is pretty much what it would look like if the villagers with torches and pitchforks buried Franky in the ground up to his neck. Naturally they hollowed out his skull and used it as a flowerpot, because that’s what you do when a freakish monster shows up in your village.

Or you can do like my wife did. Take one for the village and marry the monster. Feed it tasteless gruel. And when it asks for sex, ignore it and sneer. Soon it will lose the will to live. *sighs* Such is marriage. I-Am-Not-A-Monster!

Wooden Alien Abduction Journal

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alien abduction journalNeed a place to journal your experiences being captured and experimented on by alien creatures? This Wooden Alien Abduction Journal should do the trick.

Dear Diary,
They came again last night. Their soft supple hands lifting me out of bed. I resisted, but not too much. The leader had strong biceps and steely black eyes that peered through my soul. I knew I couldn’t resist. I didn’t tell him I had been waiting for this night ever since the last one, but he knew. I could tell by the way he sized me up. His gentle arms cradled me as the blue beam lifted us off the ground, stirring the edges of my nightgown. I struggled a bit more as we entered the medical bay. Just enough to make him realize I would not be tamed easily. And then the moment came as I was strapped onto the bed. His grey skin glistened with excitement as he grabbed a medical probe. Those onyx eyes challenged me. Would I face it bravely or panic and fight? Which did he want? I challenged back with a determined gaze, bit my lip and nodded for him to do his worst or his best as he saw fit….

Only $40. from Etsy.

The Potty Piano

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potty piano
Create a jingle while you tinkle with the Potty Piano! It will give you something to do while dropping the kids in the pool. Let your feet tap out a tune while your keester is dropping to the beat. Feeling creatively backed up? No problem. It comes with a songbook.

Play some Chopping Broccoli while you are dropping some Broccoli you ate like 12 hours ago! The hits like the s*its just keep on coming. This is how Elton John got his start. And his name!
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Skeleton Pocket Watch

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skeleton pocket watch
Hey, what time is it? Half past this dude’s ribs and a quarter to his spine. This stylish pocket watch is all dangling skull and bones- That reminds me. I really should check in on Grandma. Old dangling skull and bones herself. The smells the neighbors reported are not good. Then again, she’s been known to have a sever flatulence problem. Usually have to bring a canary with me just to see if it’s safe to enter. It’s usually not, which is why I have no idea what she’s doing in there. I just add the dead canary and the cage to the pile in the hallway and slowly back away, while holding my breath.

Moving on. This pocket watch is all ribs. Perfect if your name is Jack the Ribber and you have no idea what time it is. That’s a terrible joke. Not even funny. Hey, excuse me! I’m worried about my grandma here.

Update: Just called her. *Blah blah blah. Can’t get up. Cats are nipping at me. Pool of my own filth etc etc.* Wait. If that was the smell, what killed the canaries? *Oh, I fell in the kitchen and I’ve had nothing but tacos for a week. squeeeeaaak-pfffft*

Damn it grandma!

Anyway. Skeleton Pocket watch. It’s friggin’ cool looking!
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