Tag: accessory

Teeth Leggings – Your Roots Are Showing!

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Teeth Leggings - Your Roots Are Showing!
Do you wear your heart on your sleeve? Why not wear your teeth on your legs? The teeth on these teeth leggings have some pretty long and dingily-dangily roots. It’s okay, I can say dingily-dangily, cuz we all have one. Well, some of us have ’em. Dangle ’em if ya got ’em boys!

Anyway, ya got nice knee teeth babe, but those roots look like they go straight down to your ankles. And that isn’t a bad thing. *Works eyebrows up and down all Groucho Marx like.* We should get together. Get back to me next week after you molar it over. *Works my cigar with my eyebrows.* I’ll take you to dinner. Would you prefer that I put you under first, so it isn’t painful? Zing and I’m outta here.

And remember, if it wasn’t for the laughing gas, we’d both be crying.

Realistic Miniature Human Skull Bottle Stopper

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Realistic Miniature Human Skull Bottle Stopper
This Realistic Miniature Human Skull Bottle Stopper will keep your beverages fresh. Fresh and creepy. Bottle stopper? A heart stopper, that’s what he is. Look at how cute he is. He’s got a nice set of choppers on him too, for a dead guy. Can you put him on a wine bottle? Of corpse you can. What about a soda bottle? Yep! No bones about it. Need to keep your drink from going flat? Just pop old bone-face here on your bottle and if you’re drunk enough he may even have a conversation with you. He’s pretty foul-mouthed though, so be careful.

Bronze Slug Rings

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Bronze Slug Rings
Bronze Slug Rings baby! Slugs slithering all in between your fingers that you can use for brass knuckles should some dude mess with you in a dark alley somewhere. What? You want slugs to the face bro? BAM. SLUGGO! These slugs will never let you down. Unless somebody throws salt all over your hands.

This ring is sweet. I just wish I had known about this before I made my slug ring the old fashioned way. By shoving both hands in the garden and pulling ’em back up with nasty gooey slugs between my fingers.
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Nice Rump Roast – Pink Meat Cuts Dress

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Nice Rump Roast - Pink Meat Cuts Dress
Hey, nice rack! I mean ribs. Nice rump too. You got all of the best cuts. Ask your butcher about this Pink Meat Cuts Dress. Then shimmy your shanks in it and shake your rump roast. Cuz you are grade A, prime cut meat baby. You and I should have a meat and greet. I feel a tingling in my tenderloin. Actually it’s more of an itch, but anyway… I don’t want to get all em-broiled in this dress, but I think it’s awesome. No, really. Not busting your chops. Your pork chops.
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Toothy Void Necklace

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Toothy Void Necklace
Toothy Void Necklace. That’s a great name for this orthodontia oddity. You got teeth with nothing but a void beyond. Not even a tongue. Unless it’s hiding back there in the dark. Kinda creepy. I better french kiss it to be sure. mmmm-aaa-hh-mmmmmm Sorry it took so long. Had to be sure. That thing has tongue alright. Not gonna lie, that was pretty enjoyable. I think we’re engaged now. Unless I’m moving too fast. Do you think I’m mis-reading things? What if she doesn’t feel the same way? What if she was just using me to get her teeth cleaned? I’m so confused.