Tag: animal

Dig These Crazy Creature Fossils

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Dig These Crazy Creature Fossils
These creature fossils from Dustfull let you have some neat creature bones in your home without having to dig them up. I know that my neighbors get really pissed when I dig in their yard, even though I know for a fact that there is a giant T-Rex buried there. Hey, I was as quiet as I could be with that bulldozer. They don’t come with silencers. If they did I would be digging everywhere at night and stealing bones.

They have mermaid fossils, bats, dragons and more. I told you dragons exist! But no, you wouldn’t listen. Why would they show them on Game of Thrones if they were fake? Next you’ll be telling me that half the boobs on the internet are fake. Whatevs. Do your research.
Read more “Dig These Crazy Creature Fossils”

Squid Neckties

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Squid Neckties
These Squid Neckties are almost as good as wearing an actual squid around your neck. In fact they are better. Let’s count the ways.

1- They won’t choke you with their tentacles.
2- Your shirt will not be wet and smell like seaweed.
3- You won’t smell like Squid all day.
4- The ink on these ties won’t shoot in your eye.
5- You can’t hang a bunch of Squid in your closet.
6- You can’t iron and starch a Squid. You can, but the stink!

All great reasons to choose these over a real Squid tie.

Dragon Head Necklaces Made With Real Animal Skulls

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Dragon Head Necklaces Made With Real Animal Skulls
No one better say that my Dragon Head Necklace stinks. It is made from a skunk skull so… Maybe it does. Or did. All good now though! The little stinker. I’m buying one. It will be nice to have a little buddy hanging on my chest. One that I can grab and talk to whenever I want. Make him talk back and nod.

Does a half dragon, half skunk raise it’s tail and pee stinky hot fire when scared? I better check on that.
Read more “Dragon Head Necklaces Made With Real Animal Skulls”

Adult Sized Ostrich Hop Ball

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Adult Sized Ostrich Hop Ball
Sweet! An Adult Sized Ostrich Hop Ball. I’ll finally be able to ostrich-size myself before others can do it to me. And check out that graphic down below! It’s totally safe compared to riding a real Ostrich. That’s cool, cuz I do NOT want to go through that again. I’m gonna hop my ostrich all over town, make it stick it’s head in the sand, then get into some hardcore ostrich jousting at that illegal ostrich jousting place down the street. Make it shake it’s tail feathers. Make it try to fly hang glider style. Give it a ostrich tattoo. Play Poker with it into the wee hours of the morning.

Just me and my ostrich, hopping all over the place. Here comes Peter ostrich tail, hoppin’ down the ostrich trail, hippity hoppity, ostrich is on the way…

It’s adult size so my enjoyment and use of it for transport is perfectly acceptable. You don’t need a license to ride a bird that can’t fly. That you hop on. You don’t right? I don’t think you do.
Read more “Adult Sized Ostrich Hop Ball”

Year of the Goat Canvas Art Print

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

year of the goatIs it the year of the goat? I had no idea. I guess all of those goats in party hats celebrating the new year should have clued me in. I just thought they were trying to get my goat. Anyway, this Year of the Goat Canvas Art Print shows you how goats party down. Or is it party up? I have no idea since the only parties I attend are pity parties and I’m the only guy there. Goats know how to live it up. They have the best sweaters and blow bubbles everywhere while dancing to a tune on the boombox.

I bet that goat doesn’t have a job or anything. And you know what an unemployed goat is called right? Billy Idol! Heh. Why are they called Billy Goats anyway? You goat me. See what I did there? I goat ya again. That was too easy. I’m the king of goat jokes. I know, you’re thinking, “Goat the f**k outta here!” Fine, I’m gone.