Tag: bizarre

Utter-ly Ridiculous: Cow Skin Rug

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cow skin rug
How now brown cow. You look like you got run over with a plow. I don’t think this Cow Skin Rug is made from actual cow skin. There’s no way to know since the seller’s add says absolutely nothing.

I’m gonna go ahead and guess it was a leftover from some UFO cow mutilation, cuz I know sometimes they just toss the leftovers out of the ship, like that time I saw a UFO and a cow fur suit fell from the sky. I put that baby right on and ewwwwww! Just like thrift store clothes, I shoulda cleaned it first. It was like an icky squishie pair of footy pajamas with hooves.

What can you do but shake your fist at those alien bastids and walk home in utter shame?

For Your Little Creeper’s Wish List: CSI Facial Reconstruction Toy

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csi facial reconstruction toy
Oh yeah. The CSI Facial Reconstruction Toy is just what every kid wants. Your child of 10 years + will love reconstructing the ghastly features of crime victims, by modeling clay on the skull of a fake corpse in an attempt to reconstruct that broken face and catch a bad guy.

What do you want for Christmas little Timmy?

I want to play with a corpse face and uncover the clues of how the victim died! *Huge smile that says please! Please! Please!*

*Looks at kid* Somebody get this little creeper a therapist or something. I’m sleeping with one eye open Timmy. Get some friends ya little freak!
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Eye Necklace

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Eye Necklace
I’m gonna give this Eye Necklace to my wife so she can say what she always says. “Hey, my eyes are up here. Wait-!”

“That’s right, your eyes are in fact just where I was looking! Ha! Now I can look at boobs and your eyes at the same time. I win! I have found a way around that age old response!”

“Really? Have you found a way to pull your balls back out of your stomach after I kick them?”

“Uh. Not yet. Let me get on that and get back to you.”

“And stop looking at my eyes!”

Hypno And Slutzo The Clowns

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Hypno And Slutzo The Creepy Clowns
Check out Hypno and Slutzo. Sounds like a demented Vegas Clown act. Step right up ladies and germs. Hypno will control your mind and Slutzo will do unspeakable things to you. You’ll laugh, you’ll scream. You’ll cry your eyes out and wish to pluck them from your skull.

Hypno is 7 feet tall and creepy as f**k. He holds some kind of hypnotizing wand that flashes crazy colors as he talks about how he loves children. Don’t believe me? Check out the video below. Slutzo is self explanatory. Both are scary and evil as hell. You can’t unsee them.
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Face Mask For Alien Queen’s In Training

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Haute Couture Face Mask
I have no idea what this mask is about, but it hides your face and makes it look like you are transforming into an alien queen. By the time this mask melds with your skin and you scream in horror trying to pull it off, it will already be too late.

Next thing you know, you’ll be dropping alien eggs from under your dress, which burst out of the shell and skitter away to hug another face. Thanks for infecting us all. The human race really appreciates that. Nice one. I’m off to hide in some old bomb shelter for like 20 years. I’m bringing a radio to drown out the screams above.
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