Tag: bizarre

Creepy And Cool Creature Cups

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Creepy And Cool Creature Cups
These creature cups are pretty neat. They have better surprises on the bottom than my cups. Of course I don’t do dishes, so I tend to grow bacteria samples that turn into little wavy tentacles. It makes your tea taste extra biological and when you take that last sip, that tentacle high fives your tongue and gives ya a little kiss with one of it’s suckers.

These come in all kinds of versions, sharks, octopus, spiders and more. They aren’t as cool as the ones I grow, but hey, they won’t leave weird STDs on your tongue.
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Elven Warrior Lamb Taxidermy

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Elven Warrior Lamb Taxidermy
You aren’t a man until you have ridden an Elven Warrior Lamb into bahhhhh-ttle and lived to tell the tale. They are fierce beasts with unicorn horns and a woolly resolve.

It’s really weird too, because “on the lamb” means on the run, so when your battle commanders shouts “on the lamb, now you idiots” people just run. That’s probably why our LARPing guild only needs one of these guys.
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Ventriloquist Mask Makes You The Dummy

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Ventriloquist Mask
This Ventriloquist Mask makes you the dummy. Wait. Isn’t the Ventriloquist always the dummy? And the dummy is always the ventriloquist. Man, it’s confusing when one dude talks as another without moving his lips. Also, ventriloquist is really hard to spell. I googled it to check the spelling and it said, “F**k that. Too hard.” Hope I got it right, because the first time I spelled it “ventrilo-queff-ist” and I’m like, really? No way is that right cuz one person can NOT fart for another without moving their lips.

Anyway, this mask makes you look like a dummy. Also like Alfred E. Newman. What me worry? Nah. I never worry. Unless I see this face coming at me. Then I’m screaming like a banshee. And by banshee I mean little girl.

Freaky Teeth Coin Purse

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vintage teeth coin purse
Your total is fifty dollars and forty-nine cents sir.

Here you go. Here is fifty dollars. And here is my Freaky Teeth Coin Purse where you can get the change. *Holds it up* You may open it.

Uh. I’m good. You open it.

No, I insist, you open it.

I’m not touching that mouth sir!

Go ahead. I can’t open it. I have arthritis.

Sir, you and your freak lady purse with teeth are holding up the line. Just go.

Well I never. *Bags my groceries and leaves* YES! This demented dental purse has saved me like seventy bucks this week. *Whistles through the parking lot.*

Shaved Human Head Helmets

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custom made head helmet
Artist Jyo John Mulloor created these custom-made helmet designs that look like shaved human heads. All stubble, no trouble.

*Pulls into gas station. Sees motorcycle guy with a badass shaved head.* Shaved heads are so cool. Hey man, I love your shaved head! You’re a tough guy and you don’t take any crap. I bet you have like 6 girlfriends and 3 mistresses. Be right back dude!

*Heads to the restroom. Comes out bald 10 minutes later cause peer pressure works super fast on me.* Now I’m just like you man. Teach me your ways.

Guy removes his bald head helmet, revealing Fabio length hair underneath.

*Plays it cool.* Yeah, well… At least mine is real.
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