Undies For Two are double the trouble, but also double the fun. Who’s climbing in with me? All aboard the double undies train! I think you got into my side. Why? Because I know I have a skid mark on my side and this feels too soft against my cheeks. You feel anything coarse and slimy back there?
Hey, go that way. No, left. My left, not your left. Ow! You keep stepping on my foot. No, my junk is not happy about this. It’s a nervous reaction.
Sure, these Cheese Curl Art Prints are pretty awesome. They have all kinds of cheesy art. There’s a Sasquatch, a cocker spaniel with it’s neck all tilted, the evolution of man in cheese curl form and much more.
About the only thing missing is an art print titled “Fat dude with cheesy puffs all over his shirt, licking his fingers and trying to type”. *Blinding flash* Spoke too soon! That will be a huge seller. Yells, “You gotta pay me royalties!” Damn paparazzi.
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Looks like Jason Voorhees was finally put to rest. Inside of this Jason Voorhees Coffee Table. Little known fact. Jason once worked at the grocery store, where he first became known as a slasher. Price slasher that is. That man could knock 3 cents off a can of beans, tag it with the price gun, and you would swear you got 10 cents off. He was that good. That was before he traded in his price gun for a machete.
This killer coffee table comes from Australian company Slaughter FX and it will slaughter your wallet, like your wife suddenly had octuplets and all you have to your name is a Ford Pinto and your paper route. It’s not a time I remember fondly, but there was no way I was gonna let her pin those grabby little Cephalopods on me. That’s a whole other story.
Anyhow the Slaughter FX website lists the table as being sold out, but maybe you can beg them to make you one. They are $600 with a glass top, and $500 without.
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This Rorschach mask, based on Rorschach from the Watchmen movie/comic is pretty amazing. And not just because I see a butterfly. Wait, no, I see two dragons with graduation hats fighting. It’s amazing because it is made with fabric paint that is temperature sensitive as well as safe and non toxic. In other words, those designs on the mask ACTUALLY MOVE! And it makes me freak out, because I don’t know what to tell my shrink that I see now. Don’t look unless you want nightmares!
It’s bat wings. It’s a KISS band member whose face is melting. It’s a clown with antlers!
Check out a video here.
These Rhino Hoof Boots make anyone look like Hillary Clinton. Dang! Did he just say that? Bang! Zing! Burn! Well leggo my Eggo and yankle my cankle! Thems some big hoofs! The seller says they were originally made for a Rocksteady costume, (You know, the rhinoceros guy from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) but I guess even he was like, “Yeah, too Hillary for me. Can we slim things up a bit?”
You know now that I see them in mom jeans, they don’t look so bad. I’ve seen far worse. Of course, I worked with elephants for a year.
Did you run away and join the circus?
No way. Talking about that time I worked for Jenny Craig, passing out flyers.
That’s mean!
Tell me about it. Took me a whole year to actually read those flyers. They had a picture of me with the caption, “Do NOT feed this man!” Hurtful! That also explained why I never got paid and why I had to buy my own meals only from them and talk about why I eat my feelings.
Thanks a lot mom. “Oh I talked to some people and got a job for you.”, she said. “They have a very strict eating policy.”, she said. “Just company rules.”
I’m out. Gotta go stuff it all deep down inside. Under a hot apple pie.