This tea pot has a mouth. I mean it isn’t going to curse at you or anything. It just has a full, luscious and inviting mouth. The matching sugar and creamer also each have mouths. You can make them kiss.
Is it yawning? Singing? I have no idea. If you want some tea, it will be more than happy to regurgitate some for you without leaving too much backwash in your cup. Whatever else you do with it is your business.
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Eye love these Eyeball Cufflinks. Eye will wear them with my fancy wedding/funeral clothes, cuz the only time I dress up is when people die and men die hardest when they wed. That’s why I called my second marriage Die Hard 2: Die Harder. I’ve been a box office flop ever since.
Whoa! Hey! Hang on! Just want to be clear that doesn’t mean I can’t get it up. That’s not what flop means here.
Whatevs. These eyeball cufflinks are all blinky and stuff. Freak people out and hold your arms up all day as if you can see through their eyes. Because you can! Because that hand rolled tobacco that dude just gave you has kicked in and now you in the Matrix son! Blue pill or red pill? Pffft! I’mma mash ’em into a purple pill and be the ever lovin’ architect biatches!
Whoa! This Veins and Arteries Necklace Set makes it look like you have some serious blood problems, because everyone can see your veins.
You’re so vein. You probably think this post is about you. Don’t you? Don’t you? Don’t you?
This 2 necklace set puts your insides on your outside. Not for me though. Veiny days and Mondays always get me down. And that’s all of the music jokes I’m writing today, because you young whippersnappers won’t even get it. Seriously. Listen to some music from before you were born once in a while. I practice what I preach. Which is why I have an old-timey wax cylinder record player with a giant cone for a speaker. Got a date with a flapper tonight too. Hoping to get all dirty and nasty up in this hizzouse and see some ankle.
The first thing that hits me about these Plush Butt Tissue Box Covers is that these butts are always being wiped. I mean, they have to be the cleanest butts ever, plush or otherwise. If I could poop toilet paper, my butt might actually get clean. For once.
Plush Butts. It’s fun to say. Plush Butts. I have to sing it with the Duck Tales theme, cuz everything goes with the Duck Tales song.
Plush Butts. Wooo hooo. Do do do da do do do do do Plush Butts. Wooo hooo.
Plush Butts are better than slush butts. Take it from someone who has had a serious case of both in the past.
Before I saw this, I thought break up beans was just a fancy name for my windy butt stuff, because it has always been a relationship ender for me. Pffffffft-squuuueeeeek! Followed by her saying, ” I think we should see other people. Like starting now. I mean, I should see other people. You should see a doctor.”
Nope. Turns out Break Up Beans are $5 Lima bean plants that have had the seeds engraved with ‘It’s Over’ and ‘Let’s Be Friends’. The phrases appear on the plant’s first set of leaves. They also come with phrases that are all about love too. $5 for beans? I’ll let my butt do the talkin’ for free.