Pulp Fiction Rodent Taxidermy

Pulp Fiction Rodent TaxidermyPulp Rodents! These furry little badasses are taxidermy rodents that look like Vincent and Jules. They have tiny suits with ties and even tiny pistols. They are probably arguing about a quarter-pounder with cheese while blowing some dude’s head off.

Looks pretty good. I’m guessing the seller put clothes and little guns by mouse-holes, only to find out that those losers never want to cosplay. The joke is on them, because in death, you will be made to wear this stuff. It is just the vicious circle of life.
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Weird Taxidermy: Two Frogs Walk Into A Bar

beer drinking frogsSomeone paid $25. for this. These guys are having a drinking contest. The guy on the left just slammed his bottle down, slammed down his hand and is like, “I effing got this!” *Huge frog burp* The guy on the right doesn’t even care. He’s just happy to be inebriated since the other frog is paying.

Fun fact: Carta Blanca means “blank check”. I know that because my landlord challenged me to a drinking contest once. Halfway through, he’s all like “Carta Blanca! Rent Gringo!” I’m like, “What? You know I don’t speak landlord.” He’s all like, “Pay rent. You sign. Leave amount blanca. That space for me to fill out.”

Now I know better. Fool me once shame on me, fool me twice, shame on you. Now I get a discount on rent, because his buddy(Guy named Coyote apparently) comes around once a month and hides stuff in my house. Sometimes people. It’s a game they play.

Weird Hoof Taxidermy Purse

hoof purseLooking for a new purse? You better hoof it to the store and pay like crazy money for the latest and greatest pieces that bear expensive names who wouldn’t even shake hands with the likes of you. And besides, those un-calloused hands are too busy whipping their slave labor.

Screw that jazz. Just head over to Ebay and buy a purse that looks like it will run away as soon as you set it down. Hey, where ya going with my lipstick? The hoof purse is just $110 and if somebody ever tries to steal it, they are gonna get some serious kicks from animal hooves as you swing this thing. Seriously, the cops will identify the perp by the hoof marks on his weaselly face.
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Fortune Telling Squirrel Taxidermy

fortune telling squirrelEtsy seller DeadGoodJewellery‘s friend found some roadkill by the roadside(off-road kill in that case) so naturally they played with the corpse and turned it into a dead fortune telling squirrel. Because that is what most of us would do in that situation. She says that it is inspired by the film “The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus”.

Let me gaze into my crystal ball… I see darkness. No. Two lights approach.

Is it a tall handsome stranger?

No. It is a car.

Is it my car?

No. The headlights draw closer. The light is blinding.

Is it my mother? She is supposed to pick me up after this reading.

No. It is…Ahhhhh! So much blood.

Oh no. Am I going to die?

What? Sorry. Was seeing my own death in this thing. That happens sometimes. Holy hell! What a bloody mess! Where were we? Oh yeah. Your reading. Looks like you are destined to be mauled by a dead squirrel who is hell-bent on revenge. The answer is yes. You ARE going to die!
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Chickapede: Ten Legged Centipede Chicken

chickapedeWhich came first, the chicken or the legs? Wait, what? What the hell am I looking at, a Pokemon? I’m pretty sure Chickapede evolves into Chickasnake. Whatevs. It all evolves into Chicken Nuggets in the end. This piece of mutant chicken taxidermy comes from Etsy seller Casperscreatures who doesn’t know when to leave nature alone.

Seriously, stop creating nightmares. And DO NOT let electricity hit this thing. House centipedes are bad enough. I don’t need Chickapedes running around in the world. I’m gonna need a bigger shoe!
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