Tag: dead stuff

Preserved Maggot Filled Heart Pendant

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Preserved Maggot Filled Heart Pendant
Nothing says love like a Preserved Maggot Filled Heart Pendant. I love you. Here have some dead maggots. Because you wiggled your way into my rotting heart like a hungry maggot on a piece of meat that had been left out in the sun. And you just kept feeding on me… Our love is kinda weird.

Yeah, I should totally write greeting cards. And because I care enough to send the very best to those that I love, I’m getting this pendant for a very special lady. Maybe she will be my maggot queen. When I kiss her, she will turn into a fly. And that’s gonna be really annoying, cuz she’s gonna land on my food and stuff, so I’m gonna have to smack her with the flyswatter! Love is eternal sure, but don’t land on the filthy toilet seat with your fly legs and then land on my dinner!

Awesome Cobra Snake Skin Leather Belt

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Awesome Cobra Snake Skin Leather Belt
This Awesome Cobra Snake Skin Leather Belt looks awesome, but I just know it’s gonna scare the hell out of my man junk underneath it, so it never rises again. Is that a snake around your waist or are you just happy to see me? I don’t know. Come a little bit closer and let’s see if it bites.

This is an awesome belt. Aside from the fact that I get bit every time I try to undo my belt to take a whiz. I can’t even undo my snake to drain my snake. Still, I look cool and that’s all that matters. That wet spot on my pants? That’s not what matters. I’m all like, “You’ve seen the cobra, wait until you see the python.” And the girls are all like, “Are you really gonna feed that little mouse to your snake?”
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Crow Skull Hair Tie

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Crow Skull Hair Tie
This Crow Skull Hair Tie is really something to crow about. I only know about this because a little birdie told me. Psst. It was the birdie in my hair. He can’t keep his beak out of my business. You know what they say, a bird in the hair is worth 2 in your bush. Although, why you would put birds down there I have no idea. Hey, it’s your bush, let it thrive with beautiful birdies.

Fortune Teller Gypsy Taxidermy Mouse Diorama

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Fortune Teller Gypsy Taxidermy Mouse Diorama
Check out this Fortune Teller Gypsy Taxidermy Mouse Diorama. All of the mice go to her for advice, paying in little cheese cubes. Okay, I admit it, I’m a mouse fortune teller. Easiest gig in the world. They pay me in cheese cubes too cuz I love the stuff. I put on Mickey Mouse ears and they think I’m their oracle. I just say stuff like, “You will be eaten by a large feline” or I say, ” I see a small hard board with a spring attached. You will die a crushing death beneath it’s might.” That kind of stuff. Pretty good work. Pretty satisfying.
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Mini Roadkill Raccoon

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Mini Roadkill Raccoon
Mini Roadkill. It’s like life-sized roadkill, only less messy, with less stink and decomposing. This Mini Roadkill Raccoon will make a great accent piece for your desk, table, shelf, wherever you need a small animal with tire tracks across it’s flattened body. Do you think his name is Stanley? As in flat Stanley? Speaking of that dude, maybe you can mail this guy back and forth across the world, as a reminder to look when you drive. I’m just spit-balling ideas.

I have no idea what to do with a flattened Raccoon. Put it on your Christmas tree behind an elf on a cycle, so it looks like he’s leaving the scene of an accident. Or maybe it was no accident. Elves are demented like that.