Tag: ebay

Original Flappy Bird Drawing For $1,000

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Flappy Bird drawingScore. You may not be able to clear the first pipe, but now you can display some fine Flappy Bird art in your home. You know, Flappy Bird. That game that was hot for like a week, that no one could beat and then 2 days later, we all moved on to something else? Yeah that game.

This original Flappy Bird Drawing was hand drawn. This isn’t some reprint or copy. It was hand drawn in pencil. The funds will go toward this dude’s college education. Because right now he spells it “collage” in the eBay article. No lie. Go ahead. Help the kid out so that he won’t have to draw Flappy Birds for money.

Bigfoot Vs. Alligator Painting

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

bigfoot paintingDamn. Bigfoot is in trouble. He’s taking on an Alligator and getting his leg bitten off. Big mistake. Everyone knows that Alligators love Bigfoot meat. Why do you think you can’t find Bigfoot? Because they are in the stomachs of Alligators. That’s why.

It’s the same reason you can’t find Doritos in my town. Cause I already got em. Better luck next time son. Many a man has lost his hand to my snapping jaws as he reached for a bag of Cool Ranch. They had that same look on their face as Bigfoot has here. Nacho day fool!

See what I did there? Doritos make everything awesome and keep bloggers fed for like weeks. Where’s my insulin? Whatevs. Probably in the bottom of this bag. I’ll let you know.

Just Wrong: Princess Die, Princess Of Wails Plush

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Princess Di plush dollLook, it’s the Princess of Wales. I mean wails. Princess Di. I mean die. Yeah, this doll is really in poor taste. Just plain nasty. Just like the car that she was in on that fateful night, I’m guessing that sales of these dolls crashed and burned really quickly.

Comes complete with a corpse toe tag. Click through for more images.
Read more “Just Wrong: Princess Die, Princess Of Wails Plush”

Vampire Vs. The Moon Painting

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

vampire vs moonIt’s the titan of Transylvania versus the mighty moon. Fight! This painting depicts the ultimate showdown between the mythical vampire and our very own orbiting satellite. Just look at that vampire staring out his window and raging at the moon.

*Heavy Transylvania accent* “I curse you moon. You are made of cheese and are only good for the jumping of cows to leap over. Come at me bro. You are pock-marked like the face of a zitted teen.”

“Shut your fanged mouth Vlad, before I go all FULL on your ass and send some Werewolves to pay you a visit. You just trippin’. That’s why they call you Vlad the Inhaler. Nice pajama cape BTW.”

“How dare you? Shut your moon mouth. Why must I spend all my nights with you? My fist I shake at you, glowing demon. Leave me be to prowl the night!”

“Whatevs. Freak. Whatever you do, I’m here watching. Haha. I own the night!”

“No. I own the night! …But I will now close the curtains and own the night in this way.”*sighs*

I Will Have To Calvin De-Klein: Denim Jeans Purse

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

denim jeans purseYou are going to love this new purse from the new fall “Crotch Collection”. It’s chic, stylish, and may even come with the faint scent of man or lady parts. Because everyone knows that Ebay sellers do not wash things for crap before they craft the item and ship it out. Ebay sellers are the poo throwing, butt scratching monkeys of online shopping, while Etsy sellers are the evolved crafters who go to tea parties and point at Ebay and laugh. That’s just a fact.

Anyway, this purse used to be a vehicle for someone’s crotch. Now it is a purse. These were made from jeans that are over 30 years old. The seller says so. That’s a lot of time for a crotch to be married to some pants. That stink ain’t never coming out.

My wife has one of these and she loves it. Some of her reviews include: “Why does my lipstick smell like ass?” or “I’m sick of my money smelling like sweaty man-sack.” Or, my personal favorite, “Sure am enjoying my vag-scented Tic-Tacs.”