This Stool Full of Skulls will look great in your catacomb room. What? I thought everyone had one of those. Not sure if I want to buy it though. I may have to request a stool sample. That way I can make up my mind.
Waits a week for it to be delivered.
Hey, why’d you send me poop? Ohhhhhh, I get it. I need to choose my words more carefully. Also, they didn’t have to light it on fire and ring the door bell. That was just mean.
If it isn’t the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Unicorns! Collect the whole set. Behold, four horrific unicorns: Death, Famine, Pestilence, and War. Not sure, but I think these may be knock-offs cuz I don’t see any cutie marks on their butt. Oh that’s- Nevermind. My bad. Also, I noticed you call them horsemen, but they don’t appear to be horses that look like men. They also don’t have riders. Also, they are unicorns. So what gives?
I’m gonna pit them against each other and save the world! Pestilence can kill War with a plague, Famine can kill Pestilence, Death will kill Famine and… Holy unicorn crap! There’s just no way to beat Death!
Okay, I can do this. Gotta get my head in the game. Instead Famine kills death… But wait, he’s death. How do you kill death? There must be a way to solve this riddle. Start again. Start again. Damn, changing up the order doesn’t work. It’s always death! Death! Death! *Screams, then collects myself with some deep breaths*
Oh well, looks like we are all screwed. I tried! I really tried guys! Death is just too powerful. Hey, at least none of them are named taxes. Am I right?
You know what two hands and a spirit board are? The devil’s playground. Well, technically the devil’s playground is a burning lot with a sliding board full of needles, Hitler’s dog pissing everywhere, a merry go round made of barbed wire and a jungle gym made of human body parts. But I digress. If you’re brave enough to commune with spirits, then you are brave enough to wear this Ouija Board Necklace.
It already has two hands, so that when your boobies bounce around, it will look like those hands are flying around the board. Which I like, to be honest. Before you buy, I could demonstrate with your chest and my own hands. No? You sure? Right. I should probably just leave before the police get here.
I know what you’re thinking. I want to believe, but I just haven’t been butt-probed yet. Fair enough. If that’s the case, this I Want to Believe UFO Ugly Christmas Sweater is the perfect sweater for you this holiday season. It tells people where you stand on the whole alien proctology issue.
I hear ya. Isn’t it a little early for Christmas? Maybe. But how do you know I’m not late for last Christmas?
Give a hoot, wear a Screech Owl Skull Necklace. I knew you would like it, cuz we’re birds of a feather. Can I get a “who who”? Can I get a “hoot hoot”? I say who, you say who. Together we say who who! This bird skull necklace is owl ta this world!
Seriously, these bird skulls are gonna look good with that outfit you have on.
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