True that! Put this May Cthulhu Eat This House Last – Cross Stitch on your door and Cthulhu will be full by the time he gets to you. Technically, if we all put these on our door, everyone will be safe because we can’t all be last, yet Cthulhu will obey the command. Now we beat him using logic! High five everybody!
*A hellish wind kicks up. Rips the cross stitch off my door.* Oh f**k!
Hey baby! Nice Zombie Eyes. This Zombie Eyes Bra will get you all kinds of attention. Know what I mean, bra?
Hey, eyes up here Mister!
Actually, they’re down there. I’m just making eye contact. The Walking Dead? More like Walking D Cups. Did I ever mention that I’m a zombie optometrist. For reals! If you let me feel around I think I can cure those cataracts for you. See, the trick is to massage the zombie ocular areas until those eyes perk right up-
SMACK!
I guess that ends my career in zombie eyeballs. I wasted like 2 days getting that online degree.
Can you even wrap your skull around this Gothic Black Leather Skull Journal? It’s all creepy and spooky and full of skulls. Kinda like a cemetery that way. A cemetery for your deepest darkest thoughts. Bury them inside and close them like a casket as you snap the cover shut. Wow. I’m getting pretty dark. Good thing no one will ever see what I wrote in there. Pssst! *Beckons you closer* No one must ever know.
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What up Baby Squidlet? You aint nothing but talcum powder and tentacles. Stop your squirming squidlet. You aint even wearing a diaper. Probably cuz you just wipe yourself like crazy with those tentacles when you make a dukie. I wish I had that kind of butt-wiping action, but no, I have to go through like a roll of TP just to break even and even then I still have mudd-butt. You are gonna look awesome in my curio cabinet.
Goth yourself up fool! With these Victorian Gothic Skeleton Necklaces. Steampunk and Gothic. Those are two words that I love to hear together. These necklaces are cool. You got your gentlemen eyeball, your egg-headed freak and a bunch of fancy schmancy Victorian skeletons all dressed up. This will spice up your wardrobe my skeleton loving brothers from another mother. I didn’t forget about you my seesters from another keester. Wear these necklaces with pride.
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