Tag: etsy

Medusa Gorgon Wall Plaque

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Medusa Gorgon Wall Plaque
This Medusa Gorgon Wall Plaque is gonna look great on your wall. Most people think that an evil woman with snakes in her hair, who will turn you to stone with one look, is just a myth. Those people never met my ex wife. Statues? Those people have met my ex wife. And now they get to hang out in museums and stuff, where I make fun of their little pee-pees and try to chip a piece off.

Still, those are some lovely locks. You go girl! It’s like a friggin’ Pantene commercial up in this mother. Give me the hair flip. Oh girl, you got it going on. Flip that luxurious and biting mane. Run your hand through it- Oh there goes your hand. It’s just a bloody stump now. It’s cool, you have another. I want to see some intensity in those eye sockets!

Awesome Cobra Snake Skin Leather Belt

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Awesome Cobra Snake Skin Leather Belt
This Awesome Cobra Snake Skin Leather Belt looks awesome, but I just know it’s gonna scare the hell out of my man junk underneath it, so it never rises again. Is that a snake around your waist or are you just happy to see me? I don’t know. Come a little bit closer and let’s see if it bites.

This is an awesome belt. Aside from the fact that I get bit every time I try to undo my belt to take a whiz. I can’t even undo my snake to drain my snake. Still, I look cool and that’s all that matters. That wet spot on my pants? That’s not what matters. I’m all like, “You’ve seen the cobra, wait until you see the python.” And the girls are all like, “Are you really gonna feed that little mouse to your snake?”
Read more “Awesome Cobra Snake Skin Leather Belt”

Sugar Skull Car Floor Mats

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Sugar Skull Car Floor Mats
These Sugar Skull Car Floor Mats will make your car more colorful and creepy. Cuz let’s face it, you need something cool to drop your coffee and car-food all over. Etsy seller InkandRags has all kinds of colors and styles available. Pretty cool. Normally if I want a sugar skull I have to down like 5 Twix bars, a snickers and some pixie dust, wash it down with a big gulp and wait for the sugar high to give way to the sugar headache, but this is a much better way to have a sugar skull.

I’m all about the skulls and roses. I have like 3 skulls in my rose garden alone- Uh. Said too much. Really sucks that my backspace key doesn’t work. So it was just a joke. jk everyone. Ha ha. I’m so silly. Later peeps. Gotta go take care of some stuff. Nothing to see here. Catch ya on the flip side.
Read more “Sugar Skull Car Floor Mats”

Crow Skull Hair Tie

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Crow Skull Hair Tie
This Crow Skull Hair Tie is really something to crow about. I only know about this because a little birdie told me. Psst. It was the birdie in my hair. He can’t keep his beak out of my business. You know what they say, a bird in the hair is worth 2 in your bush. Although, why you would put birds down there I have no idea. Hey, it’s your bush, let it thrive with beautiful birdies.

Spiderweb Hat Spider Headpiece

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Spiderweb Hat Spider Headpiece
You know when you are walking outside and you get a spiderweb in your hair? So you scream and try to get it off and you end up on your hands and knees crying? This Spiderweb Hat Spider Headpiece is like that. Only on purpose.

Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive… Yeah, but practice makes perfect. And I’ve practiced smacking myself all over the head every time I get a spiderweb in my hair. I can no longer remember people’s names, but I’m pretty sure I’m spider-free.