Tag: etsy

Pants + Skirt = Skants?

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Pants Skirt Skants
It’s pants, it’s a skirt. It’s a pant-skirt. Skants. It’s for pale cave-people who need more sunlight. Apparently. They call it a transformer, but I’ve never seen Optimus Prime wearing this thing. Can’t decide between pants or a skirt? Just wear this. They look like some kind of weird prison pants. Prisoner number Skants step forward. I mean shuffle. Shuffle forward. Hands where I can see ’em.

Gollum loves them: Ssskants are my precious. Sometimes me wants a ssskirt, sometimes me wants pantsss. Me wants ssshuffle underground. Ssskanks is mine. I means ssskants! No sssunlight! *Hissssss* *Crawls off into the darkness.*

This Honey Bear Is A Jar Head

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Pickled Circus
This Honey Bear found the honey pot. Probably because it was a honey pot that was designed to lure him in. Know what I mean? *Psst* (A honey pot means a woman’s naughty parts) This has happened to me a few times too, which is why I’m looking through a large pickle jar as I type this. What? I was hungry. I’ll work my way out eventually.

The only problem is it’s taken like a half hour just to write this cuz it gets foggy in here. That’s why I installed some makeshift windshield wipers on the inside using some wire hangers and a swiffer. The swiffer really helped with my breath smell too.

I have to go to the ER now, cuz last time I tried breaking the glass I just ended up with the world’s sharpest necklace. Laterz.

Cute And Creepy: Little Winter Bats

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Cute And Creepy Little Winter Bats
Winter Bats wear winter hats and like to terrorize winter cats. I think I heard that somewhere. Anyway, it’s time to prepare for winter. Do you have your winter boots? Winter hat? Winter Bat? I guess you’re all set. Unlike me who always waits until December to get my winter bats and then they are always sold out. I feel like a real idiot too, walking in the snow while everyone else’s winter bats hold up their scarfs by the ends like birds flapping around Cinderella. Me? My scarf just hangs there. *Sad face.*

Why the sad face? You could order one right now.

Hmmmm… Nah. I got time.

Fake Pokemon Aquariums

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Fake Pokemon Aquariums
Gotta catch ’em all. And put ’em in your aquarium! Check out these fake Pokemon Aquariums. Pokemon trainers are some sick bast**ds! They won’t stop until the entire population has been decimated. That’s why it’s up to you to be eco-friendly and stuff and collect these fake aquariums. Let the real ones run free.

Except for Squirtle. You should hunt that little *^#%$*#@ down and unload two barrels full of buckshot up his shell. Squirtle and I have unfinished business when I meet him in the wild. Let’s just say they don’t call him Squirtle for nothin’ and I don’t keep the pool covered at night. Unless that was my neighbor. *Thinks…* Nah. It’s much more likely to be Squirtle.
Read more “Fake Pokemon Aquariums”

Become A Needle Felted Zombie

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Become A Needle Felted Zombie
Hey guys, let’s all become Needle Felted Zombies. You get the yarn, I’ll poke you with needles. Etsy seller DarlinGirlCreations will create a zombie in your likeness. Not mine. That one on the right looks about right for me, except I’m usually passed out on a chair with Cheeto drool dripping from my mouth. Otherwise it’s uncanny. Like an X-Man. I’m Drool-verine. *Snnnkkkk! Extends my metal claws and starts needle felting zombies like Edward Scissorhands after happy hour.*

Looks at my masterpieces. Ohhhhhhh. Needle felted right? For some reason I heard “Beetle Felted Zombies”. Now what am I gonna do with 4 felted beetle zombies? Hmmmm. I know. Felt undead Beatles tribute band!