Tag: etsy

Demented Baby Doll Wall Art

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creepy doll wall art
Yeah, these pieces of Demented Baby Doll Wall Art are pretty nightmare inducing. You can hang your keys from their tiny freaky hands and use them as a coat rack or just stare at them and wig the hell out. I can picture these in my house and I ain’t scared at all.

*Opens the front door after a long day* Daddy’s home babies! *The nightmare creep babies all push through the walls with their freaky little hands reaching out and their heads protruding from the wall. A productive and well behaved nightmare army.* Baby hands grab my keys, while another pair grabs my coat. This is the life. I just can’t get too close to the wall. I must never let them collectively grab at me and pull me into their dark abyss beyond the walls. *Shudders* But seriously, it’s super sweet child labor without the illegality and guilt.
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Hobbit Hole Playhouse Kits

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hobbit hole play house
*Picks up guitar and starts pluckin’ all twangy and southern. Sings.*

Well I prefer hobbits to Lorena Bobbitts.
Yes I prefer Hobbits to Lorena Bobbitts.

I don’t need no Frodo
slicing up my scroto.

Don’t need no Lady Bilbo
cutting off their own *beep*

It rhymes with Bilbo. Heh heh. Well, that’s all I have so far, but I’m hoping to get the final track included in the next epic 9 hour nerd-fest. I just wanted to pop in and say how cool these Hobbit Hole Playhouse Kits are. They come from Etsy seller Hobbitholes. There’s plenty of room inside for a nerd and a cat. *So basically, you’re house hunting?* Oh har de har har. Aren’t you a barrel of laughs. But seriously, do you think I can swing the mortgage on this baby? I have a down payment of a half eaten pack of Rolos and some Starburst wrappers.
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Mummified Mouse In A Pocket Watch

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taxidermy mouse pocket watch
Check it out mouseketeers. It’s a genuine Mummified Mouse In A Pocket Watch, all floating there like a rodent Timelord, cranking up the gears of time, like he’s riding some rat bike into infinity and beyond. He’s probably playing the Doctor Who music in his head, squinting as he concentrates his mind powers.

Back…Back…Time…Space…Back to a time before Justin Bieber and Jar Jar Binks. Then when his little gears and levers reach 88 miles per hour this watch burns a hole in some hipster’s pocket and the mouse is off to put right what once went wrong. Hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home.

*Blue energy everywhere. Pew pew! Crackle! Flash!* Cue Quantum Leap music.

OH BOY!
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Space Unicorn Faux Taxidermy

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taxidermy space unicorn
*What’s that?* Oh, that’s just my trusty Space Unicorn. He doesn’t do much. Just sits there. Looks awesome. No lasers shoot from the eyes and it doesn’t poop glitter. It just does it’s own awesome thing. It was probably attracted to my awesome manliness and my sweet bachelor pad. *Yeah right. It was probably attracted to your virginity!*

Hey, you take that back! *Can’t take back what hasn’t been lost yet* Fair enough. I just like it because it’s pretty and sparkly.

Dragon Flower Pot Is Perfect For Snap Dragons

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dragon flower pot
This Dragon flower pot is perfect for Snap Dragons. You know, those flowers that look like dragon heads, that you can play with and move it’s jaws open and shut. I only reason I know what they are is because I got in trouble for “relieving myself” in the neighbor’s garden. Seems I “Burnt” Mrs. Everitt’s prize Snap Dragons with my “devil’s urine”. I remember it well…

*Swirling graphics, turning into a distorted haze*

“Look at what you’ve done. You idiot! You imbecile! Nothing but a shriveled mess! It’s as if the Earth were salted and a swarm of locusts hit these plants. Clearly you have the devil in you!”

“In my pee? It does sometimes burn… Now, now. Let’s not be unkind. The shriveling is because I just got out of the shower. I can assure you that shrinkage is quite normal. A woman of your considerable age should understand-”

“You idiot! The flowers! All shriveled and and burnt!”

“It’s not like I peed in your garden.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I’m not a friggin’ animal. We only have one bathroom and the wife locked me out. So I peed in an empty monster drink can, like ya do, and just tossed it into your garden. I think you owe me an apology Mrs. Everitt. No worries. Oh, I noticed that your Petunias have a similar problem. Glad to be of help.”