Tag: etsy

American Werewolf In London Painting

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american werewolf in london painting
Yep. I went on a trip to London last year and this American Werewolf In London Painting looks about right. Except my sweatpants were hanging way lower and I prefer Burger King. Plus, my bike had a bell.

Ding ding. Ding ding. Fat American tourist coming through. Out of the way. You damn English make it impossible to juggle 3 Whoppers, 4 orders of fries, a happy meal and an ice cream cone.

On the plus side Londoners are really good about you falling off of your bike and having a heart attack. Got me an ambulance in no time. Thanks Gov! Health care there is awesome too. I was on my feet and back to being a disgusting American in no time. MURICA!

Basket Full Of Skulls

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skull eggs basket
Nothing says creepy like a basket full of skulls. Hey, why not? I put a basket of fruit on the counter and it just goes bad. It’s not like I eat fruits and vegetables. If I did, I would not have just marked the second week of no pooping on my calendar. It has now become an official holiday, since my cramps made me stay home from work today. My boss does not agree.

Nah. I lied. I don’t work. My full time job remains squeezing and grunting until I pass out. Sure it would be much easier if I just ate a friggin’ vegetable once in a while, but I ain’t no quitter. I start something, I see it through. I’ll get it out eventually. How the hell did I get from “basket of skulls” to this?

Just stressed. I’m pooped from trying to poop.
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Flashing Sound Activated Equalizer Music Helmet: DJ Creepface

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Flash Sound activated helmetNothing is going to scare the hell out of a bunch of kids tripping balls faster than DJ Creepface wearing this Flashing Sound Activated Equalizer Music Helmet. This noise activated helmet flashes in time with the beat of the music. Do they even have raves anymore? Do you even rave bro?

Well, I raved about that new flavor of Doritos. Then there was that bacon wrapped Little Ceasers pizza. So yeah, I rave! Granted it’s all just trippy music and a light show as I dance around my living room and eat pizza while rubbing my belly, but that totally counts.

Nightmare Decor: Nosferatu Head

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nosferatu vampire taxidermy head
Bring me the head of Nosferatu at once! Damn, that was fast! To be honest, I’m not sure what to do with it now that I have it. Didn’t really think you would deliver.

This Nosferatu head looks terrifying from one side and extra terrifying from the other. That’s because the other side is exposed so you can see his brains. This might not have happened had he not been so negative. Nosferatu. Pffft! How about YESferatu? He was always so contrary.
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Limited Edition Demon Barbie Doll

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demon barbie doll
OMG! It’s Cloven Hoof Barbie! Can I get it mommy? Can I? *Mom is busy taking selfies and making duck lips* That’s nice dear, just put it in the cart.

That was my childhood. Thanks for not being there, random dude I don’t know, who may or may not be my dad, and who wasn’t there to make me play with tools and trucks so I could be all manly. I never did get that Limited Edition Demon Barbie Doll, because mom had to give the guy in the parking lot a $20 in exchange for a small bag of baking powder. But I did leave wearing some new high heels that no one noticed.

Broken homes are no joke people. It made me the Sex in the City watching man I am today.
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