Do you say duct tape or duck tape? It’s clearly duck tape. Strong enough for a duck, but made for a duct. Doesn’t matter. This artist doesn’t give a cluck what you think. The Duck Tape Still Life Painting is a classy piece of art for your wall.
Or you could just duct tape a purdue chicken to your wall. Now that’s some interactive art. Between the flies and the decomposing, you are going to have one heck of an art show, not to mention a health hazard, for many months to come.
Eye love these Eyeball Cufflinks. Eye will wear them with my fancy wedding/funeral clothes, cuz the only time I dress up is when people die and men die hardest when they wed. That’s why I called my second marriage Die Hard 2: Die Harder. I’ve been a box office flop ever since.
Whoa! Hey! Hang on! Just want to be clear that doesn’t mean I can’t get it up. That’s not what flop means here.
Whatevs. These eyeball cufflinks are all blinky and stuff. Freak people out and hold your arms up all day as if you can see through their eyes. Because you can! Because that hand rolled tobacco that dude just gave you has kicked in and now you in the Matrix son! Blue pill or red pill? Pffft! I’mma mash ’em into a purple pill and be the ever lovin’ architect biatches!
If Freddy Krueger escapes the dream world and starts chasing you, you can run away in style while wearing these Burned Freddy Krueger Skin Nikes. They feature a cool print of Freddy’s burnt skin, but not the soles of those he tormented. Heh! I made a funny.
Seriously though, these sneakers are pretty awesome. You’re gonna look like you have burnt Freddy feet. Make sure you wear them in your nightmares. Freddy is either gonna love these and have a beer with you or hate them and cut your ankles off to take them from you because they will be just his size. They look like meat, but are for your feet.
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This awesome Beer Keg Urinal lets you put the beer back where it came from in the first place. Buy beer keg, drink beer, pee beer back into keg. The beautiful circle of life. I mean beer. It makes a great gift. You can’t miss with a beer keg urinal. Well, actually you can. Helps to have a target. Like a crushed can urinal cake.
When I first saw this I thought it was an image of how kegs started out in life. I thought, Jesus, that explains why these things are so damn heavy. But no. Somebody just make a urinal out of a keg.
This is the kind of Krafting I can fully support. See what I did there? As in Kraft cheese. Let me just warn you all that I am a grilled cheese animal. If you are wearing this Stretchy Grilled Cheese Necklace in my presence, I will bite at it and lick your neck like it’s our first date, because technically it will be.
You get a hickey or two, I lose a tooth or two. Seems like a fair trade to me. I’ll calm down once I realize that’s a fake gooey grilled cheese. Hopefully you’ll calm down before a restraining order is necessary.