Tag: etsy

The Shining Inspired Latex Dress

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The Shining Latex Dress
This shiny and tight latex dress was inspired by those twins from The Shining. You know, from that scene where the kid is all riding his big wheel through the hotel and he suddenly sees the scary twin ghosts just standing there. Then the murder scenes start flashing before his eyes. “Come play with us Danny!” That’s some scary shizz.

I have never been able to ride my big wheel since. Mostly cuz I’m adult and got too fat. And since I don’t have the confidence to approach women when not on my big wheel, well, I’m forever alone. Thanks Stanley Kubrick!

Porcelain Doll Head Tea Cups

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doll head tea cup
Make any tea party into an awkward and weird affair with these Porcelain Doll Head Tea Cups from Etsy seller ENDEceramics. *Sips tea with my pinky in the air* I like your tea cups. I especially like how your cup is looking at me and how my cup is looking at you as we sip. Just so I’m clear, am I a prisoner? Have I been poisoned? Just wondering because this scene is creepy as f***. *Feeling woozy* Yeah, I think I’ll pass out now. Don’t do anything too weird to me k? Don’t be like my dentist and tell me it’s normal to wake up with my pants down and wearing a hand puppet.

The seller has these doll head tea cups in white too if using a child shaped head as a drinking vessel appeals to you. Just don’t do anything too weird with them.
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Bloody Skeleton Hand Journal

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bloody skeleton hand journalWhether you are jotting down some random thoughts, or writing the next great novel, this Bloody Skeleton Hand Journal says “Stay the hell out of my journal. The last guy to page through my journal lost a hand. He also bumped into a lit candle and dripped red wax allll over the damn thing. It was a mess. The pages are still sticking together! So just don’t! Please! Totally ruined that My Little Pony/Doctor Who fan fiction I was writing. Rainbow Dash and the Doctor had just kissed. I can’t even-”

*shudders* Write? I mean right? Keep your hand off my journal. And stop being a klutz. You almost burned the place down.

Jurassic Houseware: Dinosaur Plates

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dinosaur plates

Eat up and make that meal extinct when you eat off of Dinosaur Plates. Have some Tex-Mex on a T-Rex, serve up the broccoli on a Brachiosaurus. Get all Pie-rannosaurus on a Tyrannosaurus! Reminds me of that time my roommate got a set of fancy Dinosaur plates. I cut a hole in the ceiling and waited for him to finish his dinner, then I throw rocks through the hole and broke ’em into a million pieces. “Meteors! Run or you’ll all be extinct!”

After he cooled down, he ordered more and informed me that the dinosaurs went extinct because the plant life died everywhere, not because of a meteor. So the next week I threw out all of his fruit and vegetables and put X’s over all the dinosaur eyes before I smashed the plates and buried them in his trash, with some chocolate syrup to simulate fossil fuel.

Felt Dissected Easter Bunny: No Bunny Knows Easter Like The Coroner Bunny

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dissected easter bunny
The Easter Bunny has seen better days that’s for sure. This Felt Dissected Easter Bunny shows the furry deliverer of chocolates and sweets after he has been opened up by some coroner. Apparently he died of high cholesterol judging by those undigested eggs(And Easter grass) in his stomach.

Poor guy. By poor guy, I mean me. He died before he could deliver my Cadbury eggs and Peeps this year. Now what the hell am I gonna do? Somebody elect a new Easter bunny STAT! Is it an elected office? We have to save Easter!

*Buys a bunny suit and hits the candy isle at the local Walmart. Damn! Fatties have cleared the shelves. Hits some grocery stores. Buys everything they have. Easter will be saved!*

Easter day… *Lays in the corner groaning amid empty candy wrappers and foil. Chocolate all over my bunny suit. Ears bent to hell. In a drugged out candy coma. A swarm of bunnies burst through the door and pile onto me, beating the crap out of me with bunny limbs.*

I’m sorry. I meant to save Easter, but it’s mine. It’s all mine!*crying* I’m sick, I need help! I’ll get better I swear. I’ll go to rehab. Just one more Peep first. No, don’t eat me! *tears*