This Roadkill Bunny Rabbit Costume begs the question, why did the bunny cross the street? To get to the other side. Get it? The other side? As in the afterlife. Now you can be a roadkill rabbit this Halloween. Complete with blood and gross entrails sticking out everywhere.
Why wait until Halloween? I’m gonna wear this and lay on my neighbor’s lawn next Easter. That way those neighbor kids will know that the bunny died for their sins.
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Undies. The final frontier. I’m talking Glow-in-the-Dark Solar System Underwear. Hey girl, I’ll let you orbit around my Venus if you let me circle around Uranus! No? That’s cool. I like you, you got a way about you. A “milky way”. *Leans back. Looks cool.* Wanna go for a ride? In my Saturn? No again? Too bad. You really have my mercury rising.
Etsy seller makeitgoodpdx offers all kinds of Glow-in-the-Dark underwear for men and women. Let’s all wear them tonight and go outside at an agreed upon time. Because it’s all about making the Star Trek, not the Star Wars.
This menagerie of mutant Matryoshkas look murderous and malevolent. Gotta be honest. Not even sure I spelled matryoshka right. Spell check isn’t helping. It does have “try” in it, so as long as you try, that’s all that counts.
These five nesting dolls are a real nuclear family. They have the radiation, falling out teeth, blisters and the odd tentacle or two to prove it too. I haven’t seen a family so ugly since I made my own. Not now junior, daddy’s working. Here’s a pork chop. The dog will play with you now.
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You ladies can’t all score studs like me. It’s not that there’s not enough of me to go around. There’s plenty in my man-boob area alone thanks to my sedentary blogging lifestyle and my apparent life goal of fitting into a man-bra H cup. It’s just that you’ll need some firemen to break the wall down and a crane operator to lift me out of my home and into that IHOP where I’m taking you on that date and by the time I call the firemen, I’m already way out of breath. You see what I do for you in order to bring you the latest in weird stuff you can buy? *Getting teary eyed* I do it because I love you.
Anyway you can’t have me, so make your own man with these Make Your Own Man Interchangeable Cubes. There’s a surfer dude, a rock star, a money maker or a family man. No blogger? Pffft! Bloggers are the manliest! *Shrieks and jumps out of my chair* A spider!
*Lawyer casually walks over and picks up spider* So you see your honor… Ladies and gentlemen of the jury… He was never fat at all. It was all a lie, perpetuating a blogger stereotype. He doesn’t even have a neck beard!
Stupid lawyer tricks. I almost got away with it.
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Scare the hell out of anyone who dares to tailgate you on the open road with this Creature Teeth License Plate Frame. I suggest you use it with plates like 1EATUN0W. Or just, you know, drive around without a license plate. You can say that this frame ate it. I’m pretty sure license plates are strictly optional like seat belts and windshields. I wouldn’t know since I tool around on my banana seat bicycle all day. I really should clean the bananas off the seat. It attracts flies.
Go ahead and laugh, but I don’t get stuck in traffic jams, I don’t buy gas and my bicycle bell sounds friggin’ awesome! *Ding Ding, Ding Ding* “Go back in your homes kids, it only sounds like the ice cream man”.
“More like the Kool-Aid man! Fatty!” *Kid ducks back inside*
“Why you little-!”
*Ditches bike in the grass and runs through the kid’s brick wall* Oh yeah!