Tag: etsy

Giant Lobster Claw Lamp

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giant lobster claw lampDamn. That’s one giant lobster claw. It’s perfect for that Spongebob Squarepants themed room you have been decorating. It can go right next to your crabby patty snack tray. Fun fact: I tried square pants for about a year, but my sharp butt corners kept tearing my couch to pieces. That is such BS that that guy can sit on any furniture.

Anyway, this giant lobster claw lamp will look great in any nautical themed room. It even has a spool of rope around the bottom like some now-dead sailor tried to catch it. Nope, Didn’t work. All you gave him was a lobster bracelet while his other claw snapped you clean in half.

No way I’m getting this lamp. With my faulty electrical system, this thing would reanimate every time I got a power surge. Playing “Turn the lamp on and see if you still have fingers after” is not a fun game. I already play a similar game every time I add another plug to that one mass of plugs I call my “one outlet to rule them all”. If it sparks that’s how you know it’s working. At least that leaves my fingers intact as it’s frying my body.
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Life Size Skull Lamp: Hey, Your Brains Are Glowing

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spark of life skull lampThis “Spark of Life” skull lamp from Etsy seller jackofthedust will light up your room with grey matter. Usually having brains splattered all over your room is something to clean up before the cops get there, but the only thing spilling from this cranium is light. There are several colors available.

It’s like this skull just had the mother of all ideas and the light bulb in his head went nuclear. Like that time I had the idea to make a website full of weird stuff you can buy online. Now I’m buying a bunch of crazy stuff and am basically a hoarder, plus I’m working like everyday. And do you guys appreciate it? Do you? I’m just messin’ with ya. You guys are the best. Keep sending in tips about weird messed up or weird cool stuff. You see that picture above, that’s your brain on Creepbay.
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Fashionably Creepy: Tick Earrings

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tick earringsTick earrings. Is your skin crawling yet? Man, I hate these damn dirty bloodsuckers. Ticks are natures Vampires and if they attach themselves to your skin and start sucking, all you can do is kill them with fire. That usually means having your friend light a match while you are both freaking out and having that friend burn you over and over again while completely missing nature’s bloodsucking demon. Can we get this damn thing off of me or are you tattooing me with FIRE?

When you do finally burn these freaks of nature, they let go and get the hell off! Usually leaving you worried about having some kind of horrible disease. Thanks nature! This is why I stay inside and play video games.

They really tick me off!
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Large Black Velvet Cat Cleaning Itself Plush Sculpture

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cat cleaning itself plushI should get this weird cat cleaning itself plush sculpture to show my cat how messed up she looks when she is doing kitty yoga and licking herself all over like she’s a friggin’ ice cream cone. It’s just rude. You don’t see me lifting my leg up and licking my flabby nerd body in front of company. No. I wait until I’m alone to do that stuff because I know it’s f***ing weird.

This thing is 16 inches tall and looking pretty creepy with no damn eyes at all. No way I would let this in my house. This cat’s ready to give himself more licks than the Tootsie Pop owl and will probably finish off with a great big bite too.

Click through for more pics, including one where this cat is doing his thing outside for the neighbors to see. No damn shame!
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Jilted Bride Wedding Dress Halloween Costume

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jilted bride wedding dressIt’s a nice day for a…White Wedding. This Halloween, go trick or treating as a jilted bride, complete with plastic naked babies sewn all over it. It even has one baby desperately clinging to the end of the train. I’m pretty sure I watched a reality TV show with this premise.

If you wear this costume on Halloween this year, you know you’ll get a ton of candy just because you have all of those mouths to feed. Plus people will feel sorry for you since some guy knocked you up a million times and left you at the alter.

The seller wore this costume to a Halloween party and won the best dressed award. She says she was trying to impress the guy who is now her husband when they first met. No worries dude, I would have screamed and ran too.
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