Tag: etsy

H.R. Giger Alien Heels: In Space No One Can Hear Your Calves Scream

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alien shoesThese Alien inspired heels are super scary. I keep waiting for a second mouth to come out of the toe area and drool everywhere. Would I date a woman wearing these shoes? Hell to the no! No way am I letting her spend the night so that her shoes can go on a killing spree in my spaceship. And no way am I going to her place to find out what other shoes she has in her closet of horrors.

These shoes are so scary you need a Giger counter to measure the fear. Ha. See what I did there. I am so awesome. High five. How about a hug instead? Ahhh. Tricked you, I’m a face hugger!
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Apron Of Flesh With Bonus Purse Of Flesh

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flesh apronHey, serial killers have to cook too. And nobody likes to stain their clothes. I’m not sure how many people had to die to make this flesh apron, but judging by the amount of eye-holes that I see, there are at least 7 extra people invited to dinner.

I hear ya. It needs an accessory just as fleshy. To flesh it out. You’re thinking, “It’s cool and all, but this outfit needs more skin in the game if I’m gonna buy it”. Well, you can also get a matching Flesh Purse. Now you are all set to host a dinner that your guests will never forget…And never leave.

Yeah, this is from the same Etsy seller that gave us the People Pot Pie, so we already know what’s on the menu.
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Tie Skirt: Office Wear Evolved

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Tie SkirtYeah, I can see women rockin’ the tie skirt, climbing the corporate ladder. They start at the bottom, wearing dress pants and fetching coffee and doughnuts. Then they take out the corporate lackeys above them one by one, luring them into supply closets with the promise of sex, killing them dead and collecting trophies from their swelled pencil necks. When they have enough, they fashion them into skirts, taking the office by storm. Catching the eye of their superiors and quickly ascending in rank, until they have an office full of brave Amazons in tie skirts, firing rubber band crossbows with No. 2 pencil bolts at each other until only the strongest survives.

See this is why I don’t work in an office. Women are vicious and crafty.
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Handmade Tic Tac Skull Game

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tic tac toe skull gameThis handmade Tic Tac Toe game is pretty awesome. If you still find Tic Tac Toe to be a challenging game anyway. It has skulls on black and white bases for the Xs and Os. Tic Tac Toe was never my thing. I read the rules like 50 times and still couldn’t make any sense out of it.

I guess it’s a game for advanced gamers with years of experience. I’ll just stick to games I understand like Go Fish. The seller has several other versions of the game too.

Alien Walking Stick

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Alien Walking StickNeed a new walking stick? Try this Alien Walking Stick. Sounds like an insect that looks like an alien, but it is a walking stick that looks like a scary grey alien. Both are terrifying. Especially when you consider that old people like to hit young people with walking sticks. How would you like to get whacked in the face by this walking stick and then have an imprint of an alien on your face all day?

Hey, what happened to your face? Oh that? Helped an old lady across the street and into her UFO. She said I had seen too much and started whacking me. Laid there for about a half an hour after the thing took off, until some men in black arrived, took a blood sample, kicked me a few times and told me that I saw nothing and don’t talk about this EVER. I guess I just did.

Gonna end this here. Someone’s knocking on the door…This isn’t good.
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