Thanks for the Macaroni And Cheese Soap grandma. I see you’ve been grocery shopping on Etsy again. That explains the various craft items in the fridge. I also noticed that you parked in the above-ground pool again. You were right, that was a sudden rain storm that was over as soon as it began. I’ll just take your keys now.
Because of you I can’t eat my macaroni in the tub anymore. I keep putting the soap in my mouth and washing my junk with the cheesy Kraft stuff.
In Greek mythology Medusa was beheaded by the hero Perseus. Now she is a Purse. That’s what Perseus does. He makes purses out of all of his enemies. That’s because he owned a little boutique in Athens. Dude was all about fashion. And making accessories out of his victims. Makes sense right? I should be a history teacher.
Don’t look into her eyes! She will turn you to stone and then what will you do? It’s not like you have a little robot owl buddy to help you out, like in that Clash of the Titans movie. Basically you will be all like:
I LOOKED! WHY DID I LOOK? BECAUSE I WANTED TO GET MY WALLET OUT AND PUT ON SOME LIPSTICK! WHY? WHY DID I BUY A PURSE THAT CAN TURN ME TO FRIGGIN STONE? EVERYONE THINKS I’M A STATUE NOW! IS THAT A DOG PEEING ON MY LEG?
Read more “This Medusa Handbag Will Turn You To Stone”
I don’t even know what to say about this condom wrapped Durex mummy. Yeah I do. It looks like a Trojan factory worker took someone hostage and just used what they had handy to tie him up. Let’s see what the seller says. The seller’s words are in italics. My responses are bold.
“Trappings I” is a piece that demands inquiry.
Yeah, like why the f did you do it? Also, any other hobbies we should know about? Last inquiry: Do your hands smell like lube?
It arrests the attention of anyone looking at it.
Yeah, my attention is all handcuffed and beat with a baton. Can’t even make out your badge number through my black eye. Still swear I smell lube. Is that thing gonna stink worse or less as it sits on the mantel?
Not only due to the stark contrast of the actual materials used, but once one begins to question why they were used, a real debate can open up. This piece speaks to social issues that are raging even now. The interpretation is of course up to the viewer, but there were real issues I wanted to bring up with this piece.
We already know why you used the materials you used. It’s better they don’t go to waste. At least they were used for something. The only debate is whether you have any left over for future projects. Depends what kind of a deal you got on an economy pack. As far as issues the artist wanted to bring to this piece, oh yeah, you brought ’em! This piece is full of issues.
Read more “Condom Porcelain Doll Sculpture: That Rascal Is Wrapped”
Etsy seller Fauncy wants to create a special board game just for you. Something weird and similar to this one seen here. I would totally rule at this board game. First, I would choose to use the Monopoly Thimble, cuz you know, that’s manly as s*it. Then I roll and move 4 spaces and totally roll a critical hit against that stone golem spider.
Even if I broke my wizard’s staff, it would be worth it, because I would search it’s dead body and take it’s fangs so I could make some sweet spider-daggers. That’s handy for later, when I turn against the other players and slash them. You been poisoned son! Spider teeth just made you drop like 200 gold. Deal wid it!
Then I would land on the spot that lets me drink that awesome potion. Wizard juice is on da loose! Tastes like gatorade, but don’t care. My health is at maximum even if my sobriety took a -8. That sweet nectar of arcane wizardry is a moment on the lips and a lifetime on the hips. Literally. I’m now a pear shaped old woman under my wizard robes. Damn you vile Trickster Elixir of Old Maidenhood! Don’t matter. I’m about to fight a dinosaur son!
Rolling for my attack of melt-flesh. Damn that drink made me f***ed up! The dice falls out of my hand just as my staff fizzles and makes a fart noise! Damn you potion. Stupid T-Rex grabs me in it’s teeth and breaks me in half. Luckily, my top half crawls away as it is devouring my lower half.
I slash at my fellow players with my spider-dagger as they pass me and watch them die one by one. Ha! The game is mine. Blood loss. Sight failing. Mumble. *No one wins…*
Read more “Board Game Made of Weirdness”
Judge me by my blood and guts do you? This Yoda anatomy figure puts the Jedi master’s insides on display since you don’t have the power of the Force to use x-ray vision. Sadly, it looks like it is already promised to a buyer.
Just like that doughnut in the shop they wouldn’t let me have yesterday. Shoulda tried to force-lift that tasty morsel into my mouth, but who has the energy for that after downing two doughnuts already? Yeah, my Jedi training on Dagobah would involve a lot of standing still and summoning food my way. I’m a blubber, not a fighter. X-Wing out of a swamp? No thanks. Twinkie out of the box? I WILL return to complete my training.
Read more “The Anatomy of Yoda”