Tag: fashionably creepy

Beer Box Cowboy Hats: DUI, Dressing Under the Influence

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beer hat
No ossifer, I am notch drunk! I jus likes nice hatz! Just cus my hatz made of a beer box doesn’t mean I imbible alcohol. I was jus on my weight to Nascar what wif wrestlin not being on and all. Bref-a-lizer. Watts a bref-a-lizer?

Whether you are on your way to NASCAR, a tractor pull, or just chillin’ in your single-wide watching the wrastlin’, these stetson hats made from beer boxes will make you the King. Of beer. They come in all kinds of beer brands. It let’s them know what you drink before you even get to the bar. It also lets law enforcement know who to hassle.

*Points radar gun at car zooming past. Puts car in gear* We got us a live one! He was only doing about 35, but he must be drunker than a skunk at a Tallahassee wedding cause he was wearing a damn beer box on his head. Call for backup. This one is gonna be trouble.
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Watch Your Back: Gold Googly Eye Bomber Jacket

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google eye jacket
Great Googly Moogly! Watch your back when wearing this Gold Googly Eye Bomber Jacket. I guess it already is being watched. It’s all business in front, making you look all gold and sexy. But in back, the eyes are following you. And creeping out everyone behind you. If you have any stalkers, this should be enough to get rid of them.

Don’t worry about strangers eyeing you up. Your jacket is already doing that. It’s like a field of Googly eyed stars all free-floating in space. All looking down at your badonkadonk.
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The World’s Coldest Hoodie

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worlds smallest hoodie
At last a hoodie for never nudes! This hoodie shows off your not-so-killer abs, but why are you always so cold? This awesome hoodie is all black with neon stitching and even has a zipper that- Well, let’s face it, that zipper doesn’t even matter. It does have a full hood though, so while your nipples are shriveled up so tight they squirt man-milk, your head will be warm and toasty.

Looks like it goes well with high heels, tube socks and a Village People construction guy mustache. YMCA biatches!

Own The Night: Bat Pajama Costume

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bat pajama costume
Every night will be an adventure with this Bat Pajama costume. My wife will be all like “Hey stop hitting me with your flappy wings. And your ear just poked my eye!”

I’ll be all like “Eeek. Eeeek. Eeeek.” Followed by more intense wing flapping action. Then I’ll bite her neck and fly off in a puff of smoke to sleep upside down in the doorway. Until I sleep so deep that I fall and hit my head anyway. Although she may get up to pee before that ever happens, because her bladder is as active as my wings. In which case, I’ll get punched in the gut and THEN fall and hit my head. Then I’ll have to use my sonar to find the couch.

Men’s Hairy Belly Ugly Christmas Sweater T-Shirt

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

fat hairy guy in ugly christmas sweater shirt
Why go through the trouble of shopping for an actual Christmas sweater when you can buy this one? Besides, who wants a festive Christmas sweater full of reindeer and trees and Santas, when you can have one that makes you look like a fat hairy guy who just woke up from a weekend bender and has to get to their Santa job at the mall? It even has a bit of mistletoe above the belt buckle area.
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