What up Baby Squidlet? You aint nothing but talcum powder and tentacles. Stop your squirming squidlet. You aint even wearing a diaper. Probably cuz you just wipe yourself like crazy with those tentacles when you make a dukie. I wish I had that kind of butt-wiping action, but no, I have to go through like a roll of TP just to break even and even then I still have mudd-butt. You are gonna look awesome in my curio cabinet.
Tag: figure
Cheesus Crust Vinyl Figure
Cheesus Crust, that is an awesome figure. I love that he comes with his own trading card. Nobody has a batting average like Cheesus. Plus, he’s the one guy in the world who won’t care if you call him pizza-face. This makes me want my own anchovy mustache by the way. For those of you who don’t already pray to Cheesus, you should. Every time I pray, I get the most delicious pie, plus he turns your iced coke into wine. Thank you Cheesus! You the man!
Thanks Jeremy.
Glowing Baby Cthulhu Figure
Wahhhh wahhhhh! Baby Cthulhu‘s crying is driving me insane! I think he needs his diaper changed. I thought you were supposed to be an elder god, not an infant crybaby. Maybe you’re an elder tot. I have no idea. All I know is, I ain’t changing that diaper. Smells like you just took a radioactive dump. No wonder you glow in the dark.
I heard they picked you up from day care early the other day cuz you Chernobyl-ed the place with a flaming log. Ground zero is your britches man! Are your parents getting home soon? Cuz I have an appointment to go babysit baby Frankenstein at nine. His parents are going to the opera. Then I have to swing by a 1/4 Werewolf kids house and watch him while his parents go crazy on the full moon tonight. This whole monster babysitting gig is not nearly as cool as I thought it would be. Okay fine, I’ll remove the diaper and dip you in the toilet with a pair of tongs, and flush a couple of times, but I ain’t cleaning you. God, that’s foul! Cool your tentacles while I get my hazmat suit. Your folks are paying extra next time.
Zombie in a Bottle
Zombie in a Bottle. Sounds like an awesome drink. I’ll buy a whole case. Actually, this is a real zombie figure in a bottle. Carry your zombie friend in your pocket, use him as a necklace, or just set him on your desk and admire his trapped and tormented zombie soul. I’m thinking I can pop the top, give it a rub and make a wish. I would wish for food. Then when nothing happens, I would go to bed, only to wake up later as this zombie is feasting on my flesh like the small flesh-eater it is.
What’s up with that?
You wished for food. nom nom nom.
Yeah, so?
Well, the food is you. nom nom nom.
Back in your glass prison you psycho little-
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Cthulhu Glow in the Dark Idol Keychains
You know Cthulhu is your idol. Not sure if he’s your teen idol, pop idol or your American idol, but I know you love him. I do too. That’s why we should all carry our keys on these Cthulhu Glow in the Dark Idol Keychains. We can be a secret society guys! I’ll notice yours in the grocery store parking lot, then I’ll flash you mine. We can meet around back and do a secret handshake. Get all culty. You’ll say magic words, I’ll say magic words, then we’ll rip a hole in the fabric of space and time, so that Cthulhu can come through and destroy our world. It’ll be-
I guess I didn’t think that out. Okay, plan B. Let’s just get these cuz they’re cool. They even glow in the dark. Pretty sweet.
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